Never fails. Instead of sending me a note yesterday to make plans to meet today, Theo sent me a tentative wait-n-see for today. Thats only after I sent him a note with photos attached very late last night. I suppose he wasnt even going to send a note at all.
Hello? Im not a loser. My time is just as precious as yours. Just because I dont own my own business .aw, never mind.
My trial run with this internet dating thing ends in a few days. Ive done this all wrong, I know. Heres my problem: I cant juggle. Im just no damn good at it. I latch onto one person at a time, forgoing any and all opportunity to meet someone else until Im pretty sure that the first one isnt going to work out.
I expend so much mental energy on a single thread of a hope of actually starting a relationship with someone who I dont even know yet. No single thread, no matter how strong, can bear the weight of expectation that I tie to it.
Christmas with my little family was nice. I was in a giggly, giddy mood. I think it was the pheromones bubbling up from just thinking about the Theo glimmer of hope. I was doing everything I could to crack my mom up. Making up my own lyrics to Christmas carols, telling funny stories, throwing in a cuss word every once in a while (I very rarely swear in front of my parents, so when I do theres a bit of a shock factor).
I was in the mood to bake cookies. Cream cheese cookies. My most favorite cookies ever. I just rarely make them, and Mom had the recipe. But we screwed up the recipe, and the cookies ended up a disaster!! They still tasted great, just looked like a train wreck. That was definitely the joke around the house the last couple of days.
Through all this fun, my brother managed to piss me off, though. He didnt show up until very late Christmas Eve. Had my parents (ok, and me too) all kinds of worried. He is an eternal screw-up, and I seriously thought something terrible had happened to him. Especially since hed been telling my parents that he was on his way days before. Um, its a four-hour drive from his place to theirs. Four hours is much different than four days. They did actually talk to him earlier in the day on Christmas Eve when he said he was finally on his way. Still, it took him a good 10 hours after that to make it.
We all worry, my poor parents the most. Hes had money problems and drug problems and legal problems and my dear sweet parents are there to bail him out for his issues just as quickly as they come bail me out when I lock myself out of my apartment. They would do anything for him, and he knows it. He takes advantage of that, and it pisses me off to no end.
I didnt want to start with him, so I avoided him the whole time. For me, its a tense situation. For him, I dont think he even notices. I worry. He has no clue. But somethings going to happen someday, and Im going to have to confront him, and its not going to be pretty. Ive told him before that I think he takes advantage of my parents, and his reply was that its only fair. Ive always had special treatment because I was always their favorite. Shit. See what Im going to have to deal with when theyre gone? The guy is 35 years old, and he has favoritism issues.
Came home late yesterday afternoon. My parents followed with my gift in their truck. They bought me the most exquisite antique dressing table that my dad and I had seen in an obscure antique shop over Thanksgiving. Oh my gosh, it is gorgeous. And it is exactly the same style as the old bedroom suit I already have! Dad actually spotted it that day, and noted the style, and I just fell in love with it. It just makes my bedroom complete, except that now I need to find a beautiful antique bench.
Okay, youre right. I am the favorite.
They left, and I hopped on the computer, all excited. But nothing from Theo. Lots of notes from others. Didnt even want to send any replies. I suppose Ill go do that now. I think Ill try the karma route, and send as many notes as I possibly can.
Anything to get out from under this jinx!
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