Im hoping that I can chalk it up to PMS, and not the holiday blues. But damn. I am up, down, and all around lately.
Drove to Mindy and Pauls party Friday night. They live just north of East Bumblefunk. The 45-minute drive gave me just enough time to get good and sappy. Listening to Christmas songs in the car and thinking about the first time I went to Mindy and Pauls annual Margarita-themed (thats right) Holiday Soiree. LDL and I had just barely started dating and we were basking in that squeaky clean, brand spankin new, nervous excitement. I remember him being sooooo nice and personable to everyone. I was thrilled that he came with me. I think wed only gone out like twice before that night. I remember the way he kissed me when he took me home that night. We were good and tipsy, and as we started kissing he backed me up against the wall and held my hands above my head and pressed against me with his whole body. He kissed me with such passion, and just as I was melting and oozing with lust, he pulled away teasingly, told me hed call me in the morning. He then turned and walked out the door and left me standing there in a complete daze.
What a difference a year made. I was still completely in a daze, but for very different reasons. LDL somehow guilted me out of going to Mindy and Pauls party the next year, and my friends who went guilted me out even more. I have since made it a point to go to Mindy and Pauls every year.
Ive gone solo the past two years. Ive also had a blast the past two years despite the fact that Ive gotten very melancholy and even teary-eyed as Ive made that annual drive. It all goes away when their little girl, Ally opens the door to greet me! I always truly and completely enjoy myself. But then the sadness always comes back when I get back in the car and make that drive home.
This time I didnt even go home. I was just too blue to go home and plop into bed. I wasnt ready to do that. Instead, I drove straight to my new favorite bar. Only its too new. I havent yet established that special bartender/patron relationship, and the place was packed. Moreso than Ive ever seen it. I felt awkward. Everyone was sharing the Christmas love, but I was just sitting there quietly sipping my Paulaner and feeling like a dork. Obviously, I need to either frequent this favorite place more and get to know the regular players, or I need to realize that going to a new bar by myself during the holidays after a perfectly good party yet during a brief bout of depression is probably not the greatest of ideas.
I went home and plopped into bed.
Gonna continue my Mixed Bag in the next entry
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