I realize Im generalizing here, but my gay guy friends just cant seem to keep their mouths shut! Gah! I cant tell them anything in confidence. But if I ever want to start a good, juicy rumor theyre going to be the first people I bait from now on! And it seems I can also get some really nasty dirt from them as well!
Last night, I tried to play cupid for my two friends Eddie and Dave. Great guys. Seemingly perfect for each other. Handsome. Neither flaming, just your average run-of-the-mill homos (dont know if thats PC, but hey it is what it is). Ive been trying to get these guys together for months now, but something has always kept us from all meeting. Eddie travels a lot of the time, and I went through my traveling stint. Dave, well he could pretty much meet at any time (and he also works in my office so I can set something up with him pretty easily), so I guess it was a matter of getting Eddie to agree to a time once I got back and settled down.
We finally agreed to a time and a meeting spot. Last night. I made it easy by suggesting Eddies favorite joint. Plus, we all live fairly close to the place.
Dave was already there when I arrived, and I could tell he was a little nervous. He and I picked a table and by the time we ordered our first round, Eddie showed up. All cool. What a badass. Damn. For someone who was so confused about his sexuality just a couple of years ago, he sure has gotten himself comfortable! And I think it all might have been a teensy bit intimidating for Dave.
In the beginning, I helped the small talk along by telling stories and helping the two get acquainted, but soon the pineapple martinis kicked in (especially since Dave doesn’t normally drink that much) and the conversation started rolling (and rocking!). And it seems that everything that Id told each one about the other (including everything Id told each one not to tell the other) came out!!
And it turned into a back and forth, You told him that Im a slut?
You told him that I had sex with that really queeny guy??
Shit, you guys! Look. Youre both sluts and neither one of you wants a committed relationship right now, so yeah. I said you were both looking for a good time and tried to give each other a little bit of background and I also told you both in strict confidence!!
So then (I guess to make me feel better), they started in on the ego boost thing. First, Eddie telling me that if there was an anti-gay pill he would take it so that he could marry me. Then Dave saying that if he were straight hed so go for me and on and on it went. Higher and higher I climbed up that pedestal.
Funny thing was, right about that time, some total stranger was making his way back to his seat from the restroom, and told Eddie and Dave that they were two very lucky men to be sitting with such a beautiful woman. And they agreed profusely!
Aah. Boost of all boosts. Why am I such a sucker for that?
I guess by that time we were all pretty saturated with alcohol and the words were just oozing out of our mouths. Eddie was describing some wacky escapades, and Dave was topping each one with an even better story. I thought I was going to have to leave the table, but I was actually pretty fascinated. It was like watching a documentary: Homosexual Mating Rituals. All this top and bottom and versatile talk I guess that fags want to know these things up front (no pun intended).
And somewhere amongst all this dick talk, Mr. Peepers entered the discussion!! Thats right .my boss.
Whoa. Talk about your uncomfortable positions (heh.)! Seems that Dave knows how to kiss my bosss ass a lot better than I do!!
And then he realized that hed gotten a bit carried away and accidentally let that one slip! Whoops! Too late buddy! Ive got the poop now (ewww..sorry). And then I think he got on a roll and started to tell me more, but I told him that I really didnt even want to know any more.
Peepers, creepers.
We left shortly after that. Im not sure the set-up was a complete success. I got the ball rolling, now Im gonna let them work that out amongst themselves.
But I sure got something out of the evening:
(A) Always let your friends piss you off in some way so that they can make it up to you by telling you how awesome you are.
(B) Dont tell Dave anything that you dont want spread around .especially stuff you dont want to get back to Peepers!
(C) Never have affairs with people at work (even though I did see Jeff looking so very luscious the other day). But if you do, keep your friggin trap shut no matter how much alcohol you drink!
(D) Mr. Peepers is an ass-monkey (even though I already knew that)!
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