Presentation yesterday went well, thanks. Well, except for the fact that Mr. Peepers and I got our times mixed up, both of us thinking it was at 10:00 instead of 9:00. He came bounding into my office at 8:45 saying that he just had a freak-out thinking that the meeting was at 9:00. I checked a couple of e-mails, and sure enough, it was scheduled for 9:00!! SHIT! How could we both miscalculate that?
We ran into the meeting room, practically knocking each other over in the process. Good thing Id come in over the weekend to get the room all ready and my stuff together. I didnt even have too much time to get nervous about the whole thing. Before we knew it, everyone was sitting around the table, anxiously awaiting the freak show. Peepers opened the meeting, and then I took over. Thankfully, it all went smoothly. This is one of those presentations that I compare to something of an oral final exam. Really more like a worksession where anyone can interrupt with questions and discussions. I was prepared for the most part. Of course, there are always the questions that come out of left field. Ive never been great at thinking on my feet, but Im finally starting to get the hang of it. Peepers actually let me run the show, including putting me on the spot many, many times! Can you say sink or swim? Im pretty proud of myself.
Lately, Im looking at my job as an education. Because Mr. Peepers came from the outside, Im actually learning a lot from him (many times how not to do certain things but honestly some good stuff too). And Im gonna take all these learnings with me to my next job.
There. Hows that for putting a positive spin on all this negativity Ive been harboring lately?
Im slowly getting to know two interesting date possibilities via e-mail. Its kinda fun, but tricky this way. Im a firm believer in chemistry. And vibes. And as much as Im attracted to the mental images stirring in my head from these e-mails Im getting from these guys, I know thats maybe a third of my attraction. Okay. Maybe half.
The physical thing is so very important. And no, Im not talking looks exclusively. Im talking whole package: mannerisms, quirks, etc. And Ive finally learned from experience that if the physical doesnt match with the mental image, then my body/brain goes a little haywire.
Take Ethan, for example. For some reason, I thought that hed be different than he actually was. We e-mailed for a few weeks, and I thought I was all prepared to meet him. I had all these expectations. And most of them flew out the window when we actually met and started physically communicating. He was much more quiet and closed than I expected. Less animated than his e-mails (and even photos) suggested. More docile than I imagined. The real Ethan was almost completely different than the Ethan that my mind had created.
So my reaction to him was unexpected. For both of us, Im sure. I rattled on and on without stopping to take a breath. I seemed to drink a lot more, or at least my body seemed to react more to alcohol. I acted like a total goofball. Not just once. It was every time we met. Nervousness? I guess. But it felt more like a strange chemical reaction.
And I feel like I blew it. And I really dont know if I want to put all this time, effort and energy into getting to know more people if Im going to have an adverse reaction to everyone I meet!
Or maybe Im just too picky and place my expectations too high or make them completely unrealistic, and it all goes back to never being satisfied with what I have.
Hmmmm.
Ill shut up now and continue the e-mails.
In somewhat related news, Scotts still sickly sweet.
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