Female Erectile Dysfunction? in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I hate to say this, because it’s becoming the story of my life. But I couldn’t wait for him to leave. Scott. After a beautiful dinner, fun conversation and a sweet spoiling of a backrup after he took me home, I was so sleepy and ready to go to bed. I think he started to fall asleep as well. I asked him if he wanted to stay over…..telling him that I was going to sleep. Reiterating the fact and making it clear that I would be sleeping in a matter of minutes.

But of course, he wanted to stay. That’s fine. We went to bed and I immediately fell asleep. As cute as Scott is, I am so not sexually attracted to him. One bit. And it kind of bothers me and has me worried that I’ll never be attracted to anyone ever again.

Is something wrong with me? I mean, I’d already decided that Scott and I were not going to have sex on our second date (last night) for several reasons. But I knew that there was going to be some kissing and some form of affection, and I thought that I could at least reciprocate some of the sweetness in some form or fashion.

But I didn’t. Or I couldn’t. Or something. And I can’t figure out what’s keeping me from doing/feeling anything for him.

And I woke up annoyed. Because I knew he’d want to stick around and hang out with me. So I tried to hint. I told him that I was supposed to go to brunch with the Pink Princess (which is true, we talked about it…but I haven’t heard anything from her, and I haven’t called her). Then I told him that I also wanted to go for a long bike ride. Then I told him that I needed to frame and hang some photos. Then shop. Then some other things. All in the hopes that he would get the hint and just go.

Then, (YIKES) the overwhelming urge to use the bathroom hit. And it was one of those I-REALLY-NEED-TO-BE-ALONE urges. So it only compounded the urgency of getting him to leave. I was getting desperate.

Finally, after some visible annoyance from me, he slloooowwwlly put on his shoes, and sllloooowwwwwllllyyyy buttoned his shirt. And turned at the door. I gave him a peck and practically pushed him out the door and made a mad dash for the bathroom!!

And as soon as I got that trauma out of my system, the guilt set in. I can’t see Scott anymore. He has taken me on two very expensive dates, both times spoiling me in ways that I’m almost embarrassed about. Saying things that are almost so sickly sweet that they don’t sound sincere. All the while telling me that he’s never this sappy, and he’s not sure why he acts the way he does around me and how special I am and how I deserve to be spoiled and on and on….

I’m just weirded out by the whole thing. Weirded out by the over-the-top stuff that he does and says, but even more weirded out by the fact that I can’t seem to get it up for him.

Or anyone else for that matter. There’s more to come in the next few entries. Right now, I want to get on with my Sunday.

I’ll be back later…