Curse You, Pink Princess! in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Made it to Friday without any weekend evening plans. So when I ran into The Pink Princess in the hallway yesterday afternoon, she invited me to come over and see her new apartment and then to dinner. Sounded like a nice, quiet evening, so I agreed.

Went home and relaxed for a little while and then got ready and made my way to the new Princess Palace. Such a perfect place for her…..the building is pink stucco!! Actually, the place reminds me a little of a run-down Melrose Place, only instead of a pool in the courtyard, there was a dirt-filled hot tub. Hm?

Inside, the place has so much potential. The Princess just needs to get some furniture!! But it’s kinda groovy retro….a sliding screen (Japanese style) separates one of the bedrooms from the rest of the apartment, lots of glass block windows, a nice tiled fireplace. Very spacious. Cute. She wants to get a big, white leather sectional and a giant screen TV to fill the living room. I can just envision her little place done in crisp colors, clean lines and brushed steel. Almost makes me want to scrap my old antiques and specially searched-for flea market gems and start over.

Or not.

We went to dinner at a nice, pricey place. I’d eaten there before a few times and always enjoyed everything. It’s French cuisine, highly rated. But I wasn’t all that hungry, and it was late. Princess wanted a gigantic dinner….salad, shitake mushroom soup and roasted duck…the works. I had to force myself to get a salad and then the white onion soup as an entrée. It was still very delicious, and very filling…the soup was decadent. Princess filled up with the mushroom soup, and only two bites of her duck and she was full.

After dinner, the bar looked fun. So we made our way over there and sat down. Took about three minutes to sum up the place: pretentious and full of women. The ratio was completely out of whack, and the only guys in the place were really starting to annoy me. A group of three guys formed a semi-circle around Princess and me and had us trapped in some sort of chat-torture game. Took us a little while to break out, but we were out the door as quickly as possible and headed to my hole-in-the-wall.

[sigh of relief]

Pink Princess had never been there before. Oh was she in for a treat!! We walked in and I took her around to the courtyard and we sat down and smoked (seriously gotta stop that!) while she scanned the crowd and soaked in the vibes and proceeded to fall in love with the place.

I told her that she hadn’t seen anything yet! I took her back inside and pointed out the delicious bartender that I’ve crushed on from afar for months. What? Where? She didn’t see him. Didn’t see him until he walked right up to us and introduced himself!! I never knew his name. Henry. Perfect for a bartender, eh? He didn’t recognize me until I told him that I’d wrapped that feather boa around his neck at my girlfriend’s 40th birthday party a few weeks ago.

“Oh yeah!!” He shouted. “Hang on…”

And he went into the back room and emerged with the boa flying behind him. We all started talking, and before I knew it, some scrawny boy had wedged his way between Princess and me. Took me a while to flick him away, but when I finally got him to leave, it looked like sparks were flying between Princess and Henry.

I couldn’t believe it! I’d just been cock blocked!

Henry had to leave for a minute, and Princess turned to me and said, “Ooooh. He’s so hot.”

I made a truly bitchy comment to Princess. I was nasty, and she looked at me with surprise and said, “You can have him…really!!”

Gah. I felt so awful about that. What the fuck was my problem? Getting all bent out of shape over a slutty (if not gorgeous) bartender? Sure, he’s steamy. Pierced and tattooed and wild-eyed and funky. But damn. I wouldn’t want him if I had him. I was just jealous that I didn’t have his attention.

And then my jealousy turned into a rumbling in the pit of my stomach. Not really sure what it was, but I knew I needed a moment. I excused myself and headed towards the restroom….

A fucking line!! Oh my god, it was like torture! The rumblings got worse, and I could feel beads of sweat on my forehead. I was dizzy and thought I might even pass out.

Finally made my way into the bathroom, but once inside, I noticed that the friggin toilet was broken! Ugh! And someone kept banging on the door. So I splashed water on my face, which made me feel better….but of course….no damn paper towels!!!

I had to walk out, pale and dripping wet to tell Princess that I was a little under the weather. I told her I was going outside for some air.

Once outside, I sat down on a stairway around the corner, and I could just tell that some guy wanted to come talk to me. I knew if I moved an inch or said anything that I would lose it. And of course, up walks the dude. I have no idea what he said, but I didn’t even acknowledge his presence. I was in poor shape.

Finally Pink Princess rounded the corner, and asked if I was okay and if she could give me a ride home. I told her I was fine, just needed a ride back to my car at her place so I could get myself home and into bed.

Somehow made it to The Palace incident free. I could hardly talk. I just kept apologizing to Princess. She was really concerned and told me to call her when I made it home.

As soon as I got out of her car and walked over to mine, it was all over. I got to the side of my car and lost it. Hello onion soup. And everything else I’d consumed yesterday. Everywhere. Again. And again. And again.

Yes, I eventually did make it home just fine. And called Princess to tell her that I’d left a little gift in the Pink Palace parking lot. And fell into bed. And slept in a bit. But I still don’t feel too wonderful.

Damn. I won’t be eating there for a long time. Or cursing The Pink Princess for stealing the show. Or flicking guys away like gnats.

Is it bad karma or just bad soup? I don’t know….but I think I’ll play it safe for a while.