The Sweetness Never Lasts in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

You know how when you put a fresh piece of gum in your mouth and it tastes sweet and fresh and tingly? You chew for a little while, and then you notice that the flavor starting to fade away and the gum starting to get a little hard. But you chew for maybe another hour and then you realize (if you’re like me) that you’re now chomping like a cow, and your gum is now a grayish, flavorless blob. So you throw it away. Let your jaws rest.

But after a while, you want to get that fresh and tingly taste back. You reach for the pack of gum and pop another piece. The process repeats.

That’s my life.

I’ve begun to realize that my whole existence is simply a life size version of a gigantic pack of gum! Sure, there are many, many pieces and the flavors are limitless. That’s a good thing. But I find myself repeating things over and over and over….even though I know the flavor’s only going to last a little while and then I’m going to be stuck later with a big, gray blob in my mouth!

Fine. I realize that’s the way I am. Still. All the varieties….they’re so tempting! I want to try them all. But why is it I keep going back to the same old flavors?

Got drunk Friday night. I’ll spare you the details. The fact of the matter is, hard liquor is not for me. I cannot handle it. At all. Lately my body has had a very hard time processing the stuff. It makes me completely wacky when I drink it. Like outrageously over the top. And it’s so much FUN!!!! I love that high. LOVE IT!

But the next day, it’s always the same. My body self-destructs. I implode. Or explode. Whichever. It never fails. And the rest of the day I’m left feeling just like a big, gray blob. Worthless. Lethargic. Probably reeking of whatever’s oozing out of my pores at the time. Yuk.

I’ve got to make a conscious decision about the hard stuff next time. Really. I don’t want to waste another day like I did yesterday. And about a week ago, too. Ergh. That’s two full days wasted because of a few fun hours that I hardly remember! Worth it? Fun maybe, but worth it….no.

And so today I’ve got to get out and do all that stuff that I didn’t get done yesterday. That’s double the stuff I really wanted to have to do today. I wanted to relax and ease my way into the stress that will be next week. Not to be. I spent all my relaxation time in the recovery room (my sofa).

And so now I’m getting out. Luckily, it’s beautiful outside! Crisp and sunny and gorgeous. I’ve awakened from my coma. And my body feels fairly detoxed. I better go while I’m still motivated…(and my jaws are still resting).