I am so bluesy tonight I can hardly stand myself. I feel so clingy and theres no one here to cling to, so I come running to OD. Problem is, its not just interaction I need I am craving human touch so desperately. And its not necessarily of a sexual nature either. Otherwise Im an idiot for throwing away such a sure thing as that hot orthodontist. I really think all I need is just a reassuring pat on the back and a kiss on the cheek and a light stroke of my hair. Hell, even someone [who cares] just sitting in the same room might do the trick. Im so lonely. Again. Still.
Its not as easy as picking up the phone. Because I dont feel like talking. I want to sit in silence with someone. I just want some fucking non-verbal contact. So simple.
But not so easy.
Forgot to mention: Super T called me not once, but three times yesterday. I think Ive determined that he is indeed the source of the torture dream. I could tell that he was a little lonely and just wanted to talk. So I listened patiently while he rambled on and on, and when we hung up, I just shook my head.
I just noticed that Valentines Day falls on a Friday this year. Was just thinking about checking flight prices to Dallas, but then thought .no, dammit. If he really wants to see me, he will come to me. I mean, the Thanksgiving thing has already left me with a bad taste in my mouth regarding him coming to visit. And I was there last. Twice even!
Whatever. Who cares? This is certainly not helping me get over my lonesome mood tonight. I dont know if anything could right now.
I swear, if Im destined to live the rest of my life alone, then I have to figure out ways to get myself out of these funks that seem to sneak up on me and attack in waves. Theyre quite powerful and leave me exhausted and drained.
Im supposed to be making my lunches for the week. But honestly, I think Im going to go to bed.
Maybe Ill wake up happier about myself and my current state.
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