Twenty-Seven and Counting in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Back. Exhausted, but back. I knew I would be groggy after a full week in New York. And of course, a full week gave me enough time to get a bit emotional about the city. What’s there. Who’s there. And how much I love it there. Don’t be surprised if I somehow someday end up there. Don’t hold your breath…but one just never knows.

Work part was pretty busy. As always. I don’t really feel like writing about it because it’ll make me nervous and on edge about how much I need to do. Let’s just say that there’s lots and lots and lots to be done over the next couple of weeks.

So instead of stressing right now, I’m going to write about the “other stuff’. The stuff that makes me happy. The stuff that confuses me. The stuff that makes me ache with longing. The stuff that chills me to the bone. And the good stuff.

Don’t really need to write a blow-by-blow of the week. That’s long and boring. I know this because I started to write something like a travelogue of my week, and it was getting long and boring.

Erase.

What I really want to say: magic. Every time I go to New York it seems to get just a little more magical. I get more and more into it. I know my way around better every time. I find more favorite little places. I make more friends. And I seem to get closer and closer to Canuk. And that is magical and a bit terrifying at the same time.

The colder it got outside, the warmer I felt when I was all wrapped up with him.

It’s so obvious that I’m falling for him. And it makes me feel like heartbreak is inevitable. But at the same time, I’ve decided that I’m willing to cast that inevitability aside for now. Enjoying our time together is so worth it. I can’t go walking around constantly thinking that someone’s going to hurt me or make me sad. I think I’d rather devote my time to making us both happy and not putting pressure on whatever this is.

Sure. We did discuss the fact that we’d both like to be with someone special. Someone who’s in closer proximity than we are to each other. And that the day will probably come when one (or possibly both) of us has found someone and we won’t be able to see each other when I come to NY. But until then, our situation couldn’t be more perfect.

So there. We simply enjoyed each other’s company. Okay. And I do have to go into detail about one of the nights we were out together. He told me that it would make good diary material (he does not know about OD!)…so anyway, here goes: on our last night together (Thursday), we went out for sushi and then for drinks at some kinda cool little bar in Chelsea, I believe. Can’t quite remember because the saki had already gone to my head. But anyway, as we emerged from the bar, it was snowing like crazy! It was freezing and snow was blowing all around us, swirling and swirling….and Canuk was trying to hail a cab and keep me from falling down into the snow (slightly buzzed). We were laughing and laughing, but freezing and shivering too. When we finally got a cab and were headed to my hotel in Midtown, we were having so much fun, so we started fooling around in the cab a little bit. And then a little bit more. And then more. And before I knew it, we were…um…having a quickie….in the cab! On Broadway!! Wheeee! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so naughty. It was just so steamy! We were covered up by my coat and we were just laughing and having fun. But I could swear that other cars were honking at us! And yes, it was a little awkward getting out of the cab. But again, another New York adventure not soon forgotten!

[Adds new meaning to the phrase, “If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere,” eh?]

Oh how I love that city! Oh how I’m crazy about that guy!

And guess what? He’s coming to visit me…..here in the Great Midwest!!! Can you say Happy Valentine’s Day??!! That’s right….the weekend of February 14th! I am so incredibly excited! And just a tiny bit freaked. But I know it’s going to be wonderful. And I will not let myself get all spazzy and worried about what’s gonna happen. Whatever happens, happens. I will enjoy.

I suppose it sounds a bit like a broken record. But if long distance pseudo-relationships are all I’m going to have right now, then I’m going to try to make the best of it. And I’m going to try my best not to be that weepy, whiny, sorry-for-myself loser that I have had a tendency to turn into lately. It feels good to know that at least somebody out there is into me.

I did get to see Best Bud and her hub in NY. I’m a little worried about those two. They were fighting when we saw them. I probably told Canuk too much about their situation (the sex problems they’re having and her cheating). But I just worry. And I wanted to bounce it off of him to see if he thought that I was doing my part as a friend or if he thought that I was facilitating her cheating ways. He’s a smart man. He offered no advice. He just listened. And disagreed with the cheating part and told me that I was doing everything that I could do as a friend. Maybe that’s all I needed to hear.

But I wouldn’t be surprised to see Best Bud split with her husband sometime in the not so distant future. Especially if he finds out….

I don’t know what else to do.

Eh. Relationships. Must they all suck?!

I suppose.

Well. I’ve done nothing today. It’s freezing cold and snowy outside. I slept most of the morning and afternoon trying to fight off a cold and hoping to sleep myself into a dream about the next time I see Canuk or go to New York.

Really need to do much more organizing around here before his visit. I’m counting the days….starting with 27.