One Down… in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Well, once again, I have a million things to write. But I’ll probably keep it kinda short since I am simply exhausted.

The weekend with Canuk was fantastic. It was the extra couple of days that he stayed because he couldn’t get back to NY (blizzard) that were a bit tense and shaky. Didn’t help that he had a very, very, verrry important job interview today. I obviously didn’t have much of a calming effect on him. Or on myself for that matter. To add insult to injury, I tried to drown it all away in wine. It worked, to an extent. But I couldn’t sleep for shit those extra two nights, and I’d wake up hung over and having to go to work.

So let’s start with the good stuff:

We had a great time doing nothing outrageous or out of the ordinary. I took him a couple of places that I hoped he’d like, and we even did some things that were fairly mundane like shopping and going to the movies [side note: About Schmidt left me horribly depressed]. He was sweet to me. Complementary. Affectionate. Hot. I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend.

But the whole thing afterwards. While driving to the airport on Sunday, he mentioned that there was a winter storm approaching the East Coast. Getting to the airport and finding out that his flight was canceled. Oof. Bad. Bad blow. The drive back to my apartment was like a strange déjà vu. I felt the same tense, shaky nausea that I’d feel when LDL (remember him?) would get upset. I tried to console him a little. Tried to lighten the mood. Tried to tell him that if he couldn’t make it back to NY in time, that the guy flying in from Atlanta to interview him certainly can’t make it either. Not a good move. He told me to let him deal with it in his own way. Fine. I zipped it.

When we got home, I reached for a bottle of wine while he got on the computer and looked up the weather and called his friends in NY. In all fairness, he handled it well. But the air was thick with that horrible tenseness and never went away until I got him to the airport at 6 this morning. Actually, that wasn’t even the end of it. His flight was on time, but they had to sit on the runway for an hour and a half before he made it off the plane!

He e-mailed me at work later, telling me that the guy never made it from Atlanta and they had a phone interview that went well. Thanked me for the weekend and told me that it was good to see me. And that was that.

I honestly don’t know if I’ll see him again. I know he won’t be in town the next time I’m in NY, and even though he mentioned coming out to visit me again, it was during the smooth part of the weekend. It was never mentioned again. I’m certainly not pushing. And it wouldn’t be for months anyway.

So whatever. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything. But I so wanted everything to go well. And I’m really disappointed. And again, exhausted. And now I have this weekend to look forward to with Dude coming and all. I’m in a state of semi-freak.

It’s funny too, how I feel about Dude coming a week after Canuks’ visit. At first I was a bit annoyed and bothered. But now I feel better. For two reasons: (1) I don’t feel like I have so much riding on Dude’s visit. With Canuk, I so desperately wanted to make a good impression that I let my nervousness get the best of me. With Dude, I can lighten up and relax a bit, and (2) I know some more fun places to go that Dude will like for sure.

And I also know that Dude will do me sooooo right. And he’ll never, never, NEVER get tense and upset. That’s just not in him. And he owns his own business. So if he gets stuck here for some crazy reason, it’s not that big a deal. He can make arrangements. He doesn’t have anything (that I’m aware of) riding on him being back at work if some sort of emergency should happen.

I’m still sort of amazed that Dude’s coming. And I wonder what he wants to accomplish while he’s here. He has to have an agenda. Doesn’t he? Why the hell would a guy come here if he didn’t?

And I’m a bit bummed that Canuk’s agenda got all out of whack. It could have gone down in history as a fantastic weekend. It was waaaay too early in our relationship (I guess we do have something of a relationship, don’t we?) for any kind of trauma.

Damn the weather!

I’m tired. Sleepytown, here I come. Provided I can get there tonight.