June. Its June already?!
Chelle had a Luau last night in honor of both summertime and her birthday. It was at her house, thrown by her best friend Jen (they are inseparable). I knew a lot of people from work were going. I knew her cute roommate would be there. I knew her current boyfriend would be there, and I also knew that her boyfriend would be bringing a guy from my speed dating session. A guy I didnt match with. Weird. I figured it would be an interesting evening.
Interesting to say the least. First thing, I walked up the front steps, and two gorgeous guys greeted me at the door. The first guy was Mitchell, Chelles ex-boyfriend! Her ex is her roommates best friend. Okay. So then I look over, and her roommate is drop-dead, insanely good looking. I hoped that my reaction didnt show, but I felt like I was in one of those cartoons where the guys eyes pop right out of their sockets and the tongue rolls to the floor like a red carpet. Because thats exactly what it felt like. He was so attractive that he made me nervous. And yet, every time I turned around, there he was, trying to start conversations with me. Flirting with me. Kind of teasing me. I think I actually blushed! Yeesh. I could barely look the guy in the eye, so I spent quite a bit of energy simply avoiding him.
I talked very briefly with the speed dater. Embarrassingly, I didnt even recognize him! That shows you how ridiculous three minute dates are. He pried quite a bit about why I even did the speed-dating thing. Told me that I seemed out of place I explained that I still felt new in town and really wanted to meet new people. Then he asked me if every guy had picked me (the service gives you kind of vague details, but you can figure it out pretty easily). I told him no (6 didnt). But I also think that some guys might defeat the purpose by picking everyone. Whatever. The poor guy seemed bummed and told me that hed picked me and I obviously hadnt picked him and I really started to feel uncomfortable and itchy to get out of the conversation.
I tried to hang with the girls, but it seemed like every time I joined a conversation the crowd kinda migrated and I ended up with the boys. Cutie Dan was there for a while, as was J.B., another fun guy from work .I had such a blast with the guys. I cant understand why I dont really feel a part of the girls. Even though Chelle is so nice about including me in things like this party and nights out sometimes. I still feel a little odd. Like Im being sized up. Judged. Labeled even.
So last night didnt help me much when Chelles guy friends kept coming around. I truly enjoyed their company. I felt relaxed around them and opened up and laughed and was on and funnier and wittier than Ive been in a long time. So when Chelles friend Mike (no, not the painfully good-looking roommate, another guy) asked me to join them tonight to see a movie, I honestly didnt think anything of giving him my phone number.
Of course, Chelle called me today. Asking all about my date. Ech. I cringed. I told her that I didnt think it was a date at all .that I knew she would be out with her boyfriend and that I thought it might be fun to join everyone else (as a group!) at the movies.
She asked if I would consider dating Mike. What the ? I told her that I didnt know. Fuck. I dont like Mike in that way. At least not right now. Why is she pushing the issue? Does she think that Im leading him on? Thats what Im guessing.
Gah. Im in my mid-thirties. Why is making friends so much harder at this age than it was in kindergarten? All I wanted to do was maybe go see a film with some fun people. I didnt even promise to go, and in fact, didnt go!
I ended up staying home because I needed to finish doing laundry and getting ready for NY. Ive got an early flight in the morning, and I just wasnt quite up for seeing a 9:45 show and staying out late. So I told Mike that Id be back late Thursday. Hm will be interesting to see if he calls.
I wish I could stop wasting valuable energy worrying about what people think. I wish I could get this nagging feeling that people are summing me up and assuming things about me. Was I wrong to get so friendly with Chelles friend? I suppose I should have called her sooner to let her know that Id given Mike my number so that she wouldnt think that I was keeping something from her. Why does this bug me so much?
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