I am a complete and utter mess today. You should see me: hair up in a messy, floppy spray of a ponytail. Glasses. Barely any makeup (well really none–its all worn off by now). Ugly clothes. Circles under my eyes. My guess would be horrid breath. What a mess.
Hy stood me up last night. Not that its really that big a deal. We were only going to dinner. But for some reason, this particular event really ate away at my pride. Never mind the fact that I cant find a local guy, this is the second time in a few weeks that Ive been stood up by out-of-towners. And Im not even going to mention the fact that Canuk never ever got back in touch with me after his visit. Bitter? Me. Nah.
I cant figure out what Im doing wrong. These guys used to drive hours simply to see me. Now I cant even get a phoned-in regret! Heck, I cant even get an e-mail reply!! What is wrong with me? What have I done? What am I not doing? What?
What followed an early evening of sitting at my desk at work, waiting for Hy to call was too horrific to describe in full detail. In short, I took myself to dinner and got smashed. Then I stopped at another bar on the way home and continued my little drinking frenzy. Of course, I talked while I drank. To a very nice, very good looking, and very horny married man. Why. Why? Why did he walk me home? What time was it when I got back to my place? And why was he still with me?
I suppose I didnt care. I just wanted to crawl in bed and go to sleep. But suddenly, he kissed me. Suddenly, he tried to get into my shirt. And just as suddenly, he turned and ran out the door without even saying anything! Odd. But Im so glad he did. So very glad.
Couldnt kiss worth a crap.
This morning I felt so shitty. Shitty that Hy never even called. Shitty that I got so piss drunk. Shitty that I had so much to do at work today and couldnt even think straight.
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