Head Trip in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Back from probably the most unproductive trip I’ve ever taken. The one meeting that I was really looking forward to was canceled. Other appointments were really late and just wanted to breeze past my part. Still others were just plain grouchy. Because I was spending so much time just sitting around the office waiting for no-shows and missed appointments, I even scheduled a hair appointment with one of my NY co-worker’s hairstylists. I shoulda known. Even he canceled on me! It was a bit frustrating and quite freezing, but still good to be in NY.

I think I’m making progress though. For the first time in a year I didn’t walk past Canuck’s apartment when I was in his neighborhood. Came within two blocks, but stopped myself. It’s stupid, I know. But whatever. Somewhere deep inside I still harbor these sick little fantasies of bumping into him on the street. I don’t know what I’d do if we did. But I catch myself looking for him and seeing bits and pieces of him in strangers. It’s a maddening series of excitement and disappointment and I need to just forget about him once and for all.

Looking forward to getting my shit together for the next time I go (the 18th-22nd). The “New” NY guy will be back in town (he gets a diary name if it makes it that far), and I’ll be there with Chelle and some other people. I’ll be on more of a mission and it’ll be a lot more of what I like to do (trade shows, shopping, cocktails). Yippee! Can’t wait.

Until then, I’m back in the Great, Blustery Midwest. It’s not so bad. I’ve already been asked out by both Rate-A-Daters from last week and I’m busy as hell. I kinda like life like this. It keeps me on my toes.

KA is making me nervous. He’s sweet and cute and all, but he’s kinda pushy about things. He keeps inviting himself over, and I’m really not 100% comfortable about that yet. One big obstacle is that he’s got no ride. No car. No form of transportation except good ol’ taxi or the kind charity of others. He doesn’t live all that close, and I can tell he’s angling things so that he’ll have to spend the night. I don’t want to get myself into that situation just yet. I just feel like I need to answer a couple more questions about him in my head before I let him into my space.

The bad thing is that I let him push me into a date for tonight, and now I’m seriously considering backing out. I really want to see my local girlfriends. I haven’t seen Lyn since she came back from London. I haven’t seen Jen since she slobbered all over Secret Agent Guy at my party. I haven’t seen the other girls in months. And I know they’re all going out tonight. And I’m feeling the need to nurture those friendships. Or at least nurse them back to some form of health. I’m really bad about letting go too easily. I don’t want to be such a bad friend.

I don’t want to be a bad dater, either. But I don’t like feeling so unsure and uncomfortable about things. The last guy I let push me around was LDL, and we all know that I ended up horribly mind fucked and in therapy over that one. Not that I’m saying that KA and I would ever even get that far, but I just don’t want to start off on the wrong foot. KA will have to wait. Sorry, guy. I hope he understands. If he doesn’t, well then…that’s the risk I have to take, I guess.

Then there’s the guy who’s doing everything right so far. Aaron called me last night from his office. He was working late and getting ready to go to some business dinner. Asked me about my trip and let me chatter for a little bit. Then he told me that he had something for me. Said he’d picked up the paperwork regarding my apartment building going condo (he’s a real estate lawyer, remember) and said he’d let me read it…over dinner. We decided on Saturday night and then he had to run. He asked me to think about where I want to go, etc. and wanted some feedback the next time we talk.

I feel like this is the first time in a long time that I’m getting the royal treatment from someone. Very respectful. Not smothering. Just enough mystery to keep me wondering about him. I’m so curious. I want to know more. And I want to see more of him. And I feel like he feels the same about me. And that’s exactly how I like it.

Well, I better go get ready for work now. I’ve got several big meetings today. And I think my boss might review me today. It’s not scheduled, but I do know they like to spring those kinds of things on you when you’re not prepared. I got tipped off yesterday (boss was still in NY), and I need to get in the right mindset…