In Need of a Good Toe-Sucking. in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Hi. The title is true, but it really has nothing to do with this entry.

Though I have eight thousand, two hundred and forty-two things on my to-do list today, I’m feeling the strongest urge to take just a teensy weensy bit of time out to write an entry.

I don’t want to continue to bitch about work, but it seems like that’s all I have right now. I live and breathe my job, and there’s really no time for anything else. I’ve been working on that special 12-week assignment. We had our first presentation yesterday, and I would love to say that it went well, but we didn’t WIN the first round. They have set this up as sort of a reality TV-type project (yes, they are filming it, too!). I’d say it’s something similar to The Apprentice. The group is split into teams, and it’s a contest to see who can come up with the most brilliant marketing scheme for a certain target. I guess you could say it’s fun, and the team that WINS will have their plan actually put into place for the company. But it’s a lot of fucking work to put on top of my “real” job, which is already two jobs since I’ve gotten my new responsibilities.

In other words, I’ve spent the last two days in 10-hour meetings (literally!) and then have had to go to my office to work on my “real” job AFTERWARDS! So at 6PM, I get to start in on my e-mails, my development work, getting all of the Europe stuff into works, sketches, reports, etc. etc. 16-18 hour days get old very quickly.

I’ve heard that the big wigs hand-picked the people for the special project as total type A personalities that will kill themselves to get the projects done. Lovely, eh? I sort of feel more like a sociology project than an employee. Maybe it’s a contest to see who will have the first breakdown?

And TODAY, we have a new head honcho who’s coming in to suss out the company’s situation. This is the main reason why Boss has been such a dick lately. He’s been preparing for an ass-kicking. Great.

Needless to say, I’ve been a grump. And I hate being a grump. And it seems like I’ve felt this way since January. I am stressed and anxious and lonely every night when I get home from work. I see no end in sight. I struggle so much with the balance thing. Why can’t I do this? And how could I ever possibly cope if I had a FAMILY to deal with too? I sort of feel guilty that I’m the single girl who doesn’t even have a boyfriend to deal with, let alone kids…and I’ve been having such a hard time coping.

I sure do hold on to my cat when I get home from work every night. He seems to be my only source of comfort lately. How sad is that?

I’ve found out something interesting, though. Workouts are my savior. And alcohol is evil. Duh. I already knew that. BUT! Extreme stress amplifies the effects of both.

I’ve been thinking about that strange night in Miami when I had two martinis and turned into an insane whack job and was deathly ill all the next day. I actually thought someone might have slipped me something, because there was NO WAY I could have gotten so wasted from two simple, fairly clean Ketel 1 martinis. So I tried it again Tuesday night. After a long, hard day, I went to a neighborhood bar and had a couple of glasses of wine and chatted with some guy from Chicago (funny conversation about porn that obviously got him all in a twist). I was already exhausted when I sat down, but by the time I’d had two glasses of Shiraz, I could barely walk home! And I was so hung over yesterday that I thought my brain was going to explode. That’s not a good thing when you’re giving a presentation to the president of your company. Not at all.

Conversely, the workout on Monday night made me feel like a champ! I hadn’t been to that particular class in about six months because it is just such an ass-whip. But I forced myself to get through it, and when I was done I was on such a high (especially when those big ole muscular football player guys couldn’t even hang and had to leave the class!). Again, duh. I knew I would be. But I honestly think I might be getting to the point where I like working out better than I like drinking!

That’s what’s freaking me out!!

And the bonus: after yesterday’s presentation, the head of marketing came up to me and asked me when I got so skinny!

Well, I better get back to the saltmines. I don’t have too many meetings today and I would really love to leave at a decent hour today. Someday I PROMISE to write an exciting entry.