Same Old. in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

  • March 30, 2004, midnight
  • |
  • Public

I’m supposed to be working. Supposed to be writing a small piece at the request of Company’s PR firm so that they can send it to a journalist who is writing an article about some shit I’m working on. Yeah….kinda like an interview without the actual interview process. I guess I like it that way, but I guess I really don’t. I can think about my answers and mull the ideas over and stress about them and put them off until the last minute. This sucks. I wish I could write well like everyone else on this site.

No real news here. Worked late last night. Well, left work around 6 so I could go to the gym. Took that fantastic sports conditioning class and then came back to work at 7:30. Worked again until 10. Honestly, this really needs to stop. I have no real life and no hope of getting one until this work situation gets straightened out.

Top it off with yet another little surprise today. I’m on ANOTHER COMMITTEE!!! Yippee! Yes, now I’ve completely lost it. I’ve been thinking about how great my resume and portfolio are going to look when all of this is said and done. I could not even believe it when I got that little morsel of news. I’m serious…this must be a psychological experiment to find my breaking point.

If I wasn’t before, I’m now officially broken.

Just got off the phone with David, my date from last Thursday. My boring date from last Thursday. He asked me to go have drinks with him sometime this week, and I wishy-washed my way into playing-it-by-ear on Thursday night (after the gym, of course). Why does he like me all of a sudden? I was a lousy date last week! It’s dates like that one that are supposed to make the guy NEVER CALL AGAIN. Why do things work so ass-backwards for me?

For me, it’s always one of these scenarios:

1. GREAT GUY + GREAT DATE = NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN.

2. DULL GUY + TIRED AND YAWNING ON DATE = HIM DYING TO SEE ME ASAP.

3. HOT GUY + SERIES OF FANTASTIC DATES THAT END IN STEAMY SEX = HIM DOING ME SEVERAL MORE TIMES AND THEN NEVER HEARING FROM HIM AGAIN.

4. INTERESTING GUY + ME + ALCOHOL + STEAMY MAKEOUT SESSION – SEVERAL ARTICLES OF CLOTHING = NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN UNTIL I ACCIDENTALLY RUN INTO HIM AND WE BOTH PRETEND LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

I think I scared Paul off. I think he thinks I’m some kind of wild woman because I let off steam in the most primitive of ways last Friday (ie. drinking to excess and then dancing and singing at the top of my lungs with my neighbors). Well, if he can’t handle the real, drunk me…

I don’t know. Could it really be that I’m scaring these guys off? Or maybe I’m the boring one…or the odd one…or the clingy one…or the slutty one…

I’m so sick of it ALLLLLLLLL!

It’s freezing fucking cold in this apartment! I thought spring had arrived. Guess I’m simply the fool. In a million and one ways.

I’m thinking it might be time to start thinking about some changes again.


Last updated 5 days ago


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