Surreal Life (Episode 2) in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Sorry about that.

So from our last episode, the plane finally takes off (after a 6-hour delay), and I have severe ants in my pants. I’m sitting next to the grumpiest guy. He is not thrilled that I have to get up and skooch past him every half hour or so to go to the bathroom. Finally, I decide to stop bugging him and to sit next to the guy in the bulkhead who I’ve been joking with every time I get up. Well, him and the two flight attendants he’s been talking with.

The guy’s name is Guy. For real! And he’s playing a game with the flight attendants. I join in. We are naming bands from the 80s from A to Z. It’s like 3am at this point, and I’m about to pass out. About that time, the flight attendant gets on the phone with the pilots and then turns to me and asks, “How important is it that you make your 8:00 meeting in Park City?”

I look at him, dazed and exhausted and ask, “Why?”

“Because we are probably not going to be able to land in Salt Lake City tonight….freezing fog….1/8 mile visibility….blah…blah.”

I just shake my head, and he goes up to the front and comes back with a giant plastic cup full of wine. I beg him to make the pilots land anyway. He gets on the phone a couple more times. We’re headed for Boise. Then Grand Junction, CO. Where the hell are we going?

Finally, he has one last conversation with the pilots. They tell him that they are going to scoop down into the fog and try to land. If it doesn’t work, they’re going to swoop back up and take us to Vegas. Now THAT I can handle. And I even turn to Guy and tell him that if we go to Vegas that we’re just going to be up for the rest of the night (what little was left of it) and party our asses off until we can get into Salt Lake City.

But sure enough, at 4am, we finally land in SLC.

That part over, I still have to make it to Park City, which is about a 45-minute drive. I had a driver who was waiting for me, but he’d finally given up at 3:30. Guy offers to drive me, but I tell him no….that I didn’t want him to go to all that trouble. He tells me that he might as well drive me….he’s up and awake and thinks it will be fun. Fun? Okay, fine.

It takes us about 20 minutes to hail a cab and then we have to go to Guy’s place to get his car…another 20 minutes because we’re sharing a cab with some other poor soul. It’s during this time that I start to realize that I’m letting a perfect stranger drive me up into the mountains. Though he’s friendly and smart and handsome, I freak just a tiny bit at the thought of being chopped up into a million pieces by a guy named Guy and scattered bit by bit onto the freezing mountainside.

Guy senses my apprehension and tries to reassure me, which only scares me even more. But I’m also exhausted and grumpy and he’s not getting mad at my bitchiness and I figure it’s my last chance to make my 8:00 meeting and I’ve lived a great life, so….what the hell. Drive on, Guy.

And Guy does. And he doesn’t stop to chop me into a million pieces. In fact, he tells me to lay my seat back and take a nap while he drives through the fog and into the outskirts of Park City where the hotel awaits.

We step foot into the hotel at 5am. There’s an envelope waiting for me with a room key and a note telling me to meet the marketing director at 8:30!! Oh joy!! An extra 30 minutes of SLEEP!! Guy helps me with my luggage, and steps into my room with me, and I thank him over and over again, and the only thing he asks in return is a kiss on the cheek, which I do immediately so that he will leave. I have a precious two hours to sleep at that point and I need to make every minute count.

Next episode: Sundancing