Preparations in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I’m getting ready for my big dog and pony show. It has NOT been a good week. Especially yesterday. I actually had to leave the building, forcing back tears after the president took a few rips at me—loudly, with veins popping, in front of some vendors (Crazy Tony and Maria, but still) and my teams. He’s frustrated, I know. And he took it out on everyone at this meeting, but he was looking directly at me. He’s been extremely volatile lately, and I honestly wouldn’t rule out a boardroom scene for me ending in a Trump style “You’re Fired!”, but with a southern drawl.

My painkiller of choice for this particular go-round: food. Bad food. Very bad food. Like, processed snack food and lots of chocolate. And now, lack of sleep. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over.

I think I’m going to call in sick on Friday. I’m finally going to take a sanity day (that is, if I don’t chicken out). I’ve never, ever done it before, but dammit, it’s about time. And I can’t wait! I’m going to sleep in and maybe wander around aimlessly, perhaps catch a movie? I don’t know, but I’m almost giddy thinking about it. I can’t remember the last day I had where I didn’t do something that involves work in some form or fashion. Seriously. I think it was over the Christmas holiday.

Yes, yes, yes….I still love my job. I love the travel and adventure. I love the freedom and creative aspect. But there’s a danger in this obscure kind of job. I don’t have a bottom-line accountability, so it’s easy to just tell me buh-bye at any time…especially when sales aren’t so hot. It keeps me on my toes and very nervous, and right now, I’m very much in the hot seat. Plus, I’m paranoid. So there you go.

Perhaps it’s a good thing that the owners of my building are dragging their feet on the sale. Perhaps another move is on the horizon for me? I never really got 100% settled in here, and it wouldn’t break my heart to leave the Great Midwest (no offense, of course).

Subtle little things keep happening that seem to point me in yet another direction. They are all starting to add up, and I think I might be getting the point. I really wanted to get comfortable with this life I’ve been living, but I fear it may not be possible.