I am so grateful for the notes (though CN, the phone call the night before was the equivalent of throwing myself on the floor!).
Of course, I was unable to wait for the consensus. Not that I wouldn’t have sent it anyway, because of COURSE I haven’t been keeping up in my diary about what’s been going on with us. So much. So very, very much.
In a nutshell, he’s come on super strong, we are officially boyfriend/girlfriend, and he is practically living with me (We’re talking hyperspeed here). He’s staying at my place while I’m gone, and I’m absoulutely fine with that. It’s not that he doesn’t have a place..he just likes staying at mine. It’s more convenient and he can get his work done, and frankly, I like having him there.
But the subject of actually officially LIVING together after such a short time actually came up (brought up by him and entertained by me) while I have been away. And the more I’ve thought about it, the more freaked out I am by the thought of it.
So the night before last, the day the subject came up, I got a little tipsy at the bar downstairs and came up to my room to call him. I told him that I have a lot of concerns and questions and he asked me to talk about it, but I didn’t want to over the phone. I told him I wanted to have a face-to-face, and he pushed and I got a little emotional, and the conversation is blurry from there. I think I went overboard.
Our conversations and emails after that have been slightly strained, and the last conversation we had ended weirdly. So that’s why I wrote the note. And I held my breath as I pressed send.
But I was actually able to get some sleep after that. And when I got up, I saw that he’d sent me a very nice email at the same time I’d sent him my dmail (d for drama), and then he’d read my dmail and asked me to call. It was midnight in the US, so I knew he’d still be up. And I called, and we smoothed things over, but we both know that we are going to have to talk a lot of things through when I get back.
In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have sent that dmail. But it still made me feel better…and even after thinking about it some more, I STILL feel better about writing and sending it. If he thinks I’m being dramatic, so be it. After all, he’s already pushed and pushed and pushed this relationship. I NEED to have my questions answered, and I feel like the dmail was a way for me to open that door.
Now..I’m late. I’ve got one more day in London. Lots of work to do. Then off to Paris tomorrow.
Oh! Here’s my latest finding–Jerry Garcia alive and well in Camden Market!!
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