Too Good To Be True? in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Haven’t written. Haven’t noted. I’m sorry. I’m just…hooo boy, where do I even start? I wanted to start out with what’s been going on: the events, the parties, the fair, the fun! But something’s weighing heavily on my mind, and I suppose I should just dump it out already.

I’m still with Grrr. I’m still in love with Grrr. Last I wrote, he’d moved in with me. All was great…new lover, new roomie, hurrah!!!

But now. I don’t understand. We’ve been together just over three months, and um, well. It appears we have a compatibility issue here. A biggie. As in, he doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore. Or really, that he doesn’t want to have sex with me like we used to (back in the day!).

It’s already come up twice, and damn…I just don’t know what to do. It’s not that I’m a nympho by any means, but fuck! Does the honeymoon have to be over so quckly?

I guess Boss Party Pants was right when I told her about the intense relationship we’d started:

“That which burns brightest, burns fastest.”

I don’t want this to be over. I don’t. But I don’t see it changing completely either. I can’t force the guy to want me, lust after me, lavish me with tongue baths all the time. But he can’t expect me to simply be his friend and roommate and buddy (he actually called me ”buddy” yesterday!!!!!).

I told him my theory: I think that because of all the recent change he’s made in his life (a move to another country, the loss of having his kids close by, new job, etc. etc. etc.), that it’s probably comforting to be in a relationship that feels established. It’s probably so nice for him to come home (albeit my home), relax, put his feet up, kiss his girlfriend on the cheek, go to bed, go to sleep.

Meanwhile, I want to bask in the glow of a sparkly, brand new relationship!! I want fireworks! I want butterflies!! I want romance! I want juicy, delicious SEXXXXX!!!! And I want it OFTEN!!

Apparently though, I’m actually part of a trend. He told me this morning that his last two or three relationships had conflict like this too (I find a little bit of comfort in that—so it’s not just me). And yes, I’m very well aware that there are major underlying issues here—more carry-on baggage than my poor little overhead storage can handle.

We’re talking tonight. And while my loins ache with desire, my heart cracks a little…and that hurts so much more.