Yeah, so we went on a cruise and had the best time ever–In fact, it was the best vacation I’ve ever taken in my life. It was everything I’ve ever dreamed of: romance, nudity on the balcony, sex, food, alcohol, laughing, laughing, laughing, smiling, dancing, kissing, love, love, LOOOOVVVEEE!
It was so good, that we booked another cruise (to Alaska this time) that we are scheduled to take in July.
So imagine my reaction this morning when he asked what I would think if his kids came with us this time.
[cricket chirp]
I floundered and sputtered and told him that the dynamic would be completely different and sputtered and stuttered and stammered and reminded him that I haven’t even met his kids yet (they are coming in March for the first time, and oh, by the way, don’t even speak English) and basically told him that I didn’t think it was such a grand idea (all this was going on while he was walking me to my car this morning, so I wasn’t looking at him…but when I turned around, I could see the hurt, hurt look on his face).
God, I felt like such a heel that the only thing I cold do was tearfully jump into my car and haul ass away.
I felt so shitty that I immediately called him before he had time to get to his phone back in the loft and apologized for my selfishness but explained that we’d already talked about doing other things with the kids and that his inquiry had completely taken me off guard this morning. But followed all that up with the fact that I love him and everything about him, including the most important things in his life–his kids.
I even called again when I knew he would answer the phone and told him I was sorry–again.
God. I am an emotional basketcase. Should I even BE in this relationship? What am I doing?
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