Greetings from my new baby!! I call her PMac (which has a lot to do with my real name but then thats going to change within a year Ill either be married or Ill die tryin). Regardless, I got her on Friday night, and am just now getting a chance to write an entry. And oooooohhhhhhhh! I am sooooooo thrilled! I would say that you have NO idea. But I think you do.
Grrrr is away for a couple of days on a business trip. I talked with him a little while ago. He was calling me from Mexico driving back over the border. He has meetings in Juarez and El Paso tomorrow. Sounded happy as a clam. At first.
The weird thing is…I dont know. Maybe he has PMS or something because he went from telling me how beautiful I looked as I was leaving for work this morning to giving me all kinds of shit about how much noise I make when I get ready for work. And Im not talking just a few little gripes here and there it was downright NAGGING from turning certain lights on to the fact that I do the dishes in the morning (because he tells me not to do them at night when am I supposed to do them?!). All of this from 90 to nuthin. I was stunned. So stunned that when he finally stopped bitching, I was silent. I guess he expected me to lay right back into him (something I normally do), so after he waited a few beats he asked if he lost me. And I was like, Yeah, you did lose me. Ill talk to you later. Goodbye.
Click.
And I immediately turned on my computer and wrote him a scathing email. But I havent sent it, and I dont think I will. Im going to see where self-control will get me on this one.
Guys, I dont get it! I know I will never be able to convince you because of previous entries, but I have the most darling man in the world. And he has ME!!! Why do we have to be so hostile? Im trying this experiment. And every time I feel my blood start to boil Im going to try my damndest to walk away from the fire and come back to it when its safe or not come back at all. I dont know how long Ill be able to do this, but Im on my very last leg here, and if I dont figure out how to change my own ways (and not change hishe is what he isand right now hes an asshole), I am going to do something desperate.
We had our first premarital preparation session with our minister. I imagine this guy was quite surprised when he heard Grrrrs storystraight from his own mouth. Grrrrr was uncomfortable talking about his previous marriage, the kids, the split, etc. But it was good that he got it out. The only thing that bothered me about the whole ordeal is that he kept referring to his ex-wife as my wife. The first few times, hed stumble and then say, I mean, my ex-wife. But as he continued, I dont think he even noticed that he kept saying, my wife..
* sigh *
I didnt make a big deal of it, but its still sitting there in my brain, and Im still not happy about being #2.
In fact, the more I write, the more I feel like #2.
And thats not the purpose of this entry, I swear.
Im so happy to have my outlet back!
*****next day*******
So I wrote that last night (Monday night). It’s now Tuesday night. And I desperately need to go to bed. Grrrrr and I were dorks today on the phone, and he has yet to call me, so I guess I’ll give in and call him after I post this entry.
God, I had such a bad day today. It was insanely busy at work…I’m working on developing stuff for a new brand, and it’s the reason I’m going to be insanely busy for about a year. So much for planning a wedding, eh?
So much happened during the shitty part of my day that I don’t even want to get into it. Let’s just say that I ended up crying in the parking lot of a Barnes and Noble, and I was thinking that there is only ONE person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD who I want to be there for me during this terrible moment, and that person is GRrrrrr, and that person doesn’t want to speak with me tonight.
And just at that very instant, a text message came through that said simply, “I love you Ginger”. And that was all I needed. That meant everything to me.
So now, I will sign off of the first entry from the pMac.
Good night, sleep tight.
G
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