I’m back. It’s Sunday night and I just took my (yes!) darling fiance to the airport for a week-long business trip, and now I’m home settling in for the evening, curling up with a nice glass of bubbles and my computer (and of course the beloved kitty).
Something happened today. And I can’t really explain or figure it out, but I know that somehow the sky opened up and the gods smiled down and I heard the words coming out of Grrrrr’s mouth (I paraphrase, but here’s what he said):
Let’s get married and settle into our relationship, and THEN we can discuss having a baby together. Because if I do ever have another child, you’re the one I want to have one with.
And I cannot TELL you what that meant to me. I swear to you…whatever we decide together will be fine, fine, FINE with me. It’s the fact that he agreed to discuss the possibilities that made me leap inside! It’s the fact that he didn’t say NEVER, NEVER, NEVER again!! It’s the glimmer that I so desperately needed to hear!!
So desperately.
I had shared with Grrrr a few days ago that The Therapizer (thanks for the name, BBTL!) had given me the assignment of writing the letter to the child I’ll never have, and he wasn’t really pleased with that…for various reasons. And we’ve now had many, many (too many) conversations on the subject. And I don’t know if it was the squeaky wheel or if I’ve just worn him down and he wants me to be quiet, but he said it. And he said it with a lot of emotion and truth and with the most sincere look in his eye…and there was more. It just made me look at everything with a fresh perspective.
And I’m so hoping that this is going to be the thing (or at least one of the things) that will take some of that boiling pressure off and alleviate some of our issues.
I can’t describe such a feeling of relief. Whatever we decide will be a decision that we will make TOGETHER.
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