I think I liked it better when I was writing every day. Even a short entry with little blips each day is better than bottling this stuff up. It really is. I’m finding that out the hard way. So I will try a little harder. Not sure if I’ll get every day in, but I think I need this more than I realize.
You may or may not see me next week as we are leaving for Germany tomorrow. I have spent the last couple of days shopping for the kids, shopping for warm(er) clothes for myself, trying to figure out what to pack, and generally working myself into a blathering tizzy.
Folks, I’m FREAKING OUT over this thing and trying my damndest to keep it together…another reason I should be writing this out.
Granted, going to Germany at Christmastime is a wondrous thing. But then again, spending the holiday with The Future Mr. Snap’s ex-wife kinda blows all the wind out of that sail. I wish I could just smile my worries away and pretend (and I will be doing my very, very best, believe me), but I can’t get away from the fact that I’ll be hangin’ with the X. Yuck.
I have been reading the most excellent blog about stepmothers, and there is an entry that resonated with me. It is about Christmas traditions and not wanting to split the kids up at Christmastime. I realize that our particular case is an exception to the rule right now, but I know that things are going to have to change going forward or as the author of that particular blog says, “Well, that’ll just drive you to drink. Believe me.”
Hello.
So. What can I look forward to? Aaaaah….Germany at Christmastime! Seeing the kids again (we haven’t seen them since I met them in March), an excellent traditional Christmas dinner, snow (!!!), staying in a very quaint hotel in an old town square (the hotel part was a struggle–I’m soooooooooo glad I won that argument and convinced TFMS that staying in her house was wrong, wrong, WRONG!). I will be snapping lots of photos and hope that I have a bit of time to post. I’m really looking forward to a new experience.
And I have to say that as this trip has inched closer and closer, TFMS has done his very best to ease my worries and insecurities. I am going to uncharted and unfamiliar territory, and TFMS’s X is the ultimate German Frau….yes, all the stereotypes come true with her: aggressive, gruff, manly, uber-frumpy dresser (no offense to any beautiful German women out there, please!). I have left no worry unturned with TFMS. I have voiced it all–and then some. I’m glad he knows, because when they were here before I had a mini-meltdown while on the phone with Lovely Leah. Poor Leah got the brunt of everything and nobody (including TFMS) was the wiser when I was done bawling to her. But that wasn’t fair, and now that TFMS knows that I’m less than thrilled about the situation, he can adjust accordingly, and I commend him for being an understanding partner.
All that said, we are STILL going, and the time has come to stand strong and be there as a support to TFMS and my future stepkids.
And now I need to continue the packing process. I’m going to the gym later this morning and then this afternoon TFMS and I are going to my parents’ to celebrate Christmas with them…the whole gang is there (including my brother), and I was so happy to hear that TFMS is excited about it.
I can’t believe that Chistmas is here already! It’s almost 2008–and we all KNOW what a HUGE year that’s gonna be!!
Oh yeah, wedding teaser: Mom and I have now put deposits down on the flowers and the cake!! We have the venues locked in and my dress is here! Looks like this is really gonna happen!! What the hell am I doing?!
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