OK. So Im on a plane bound for Cancun right now. Secret undercover mission (not really, but how exciting, no?). But it is a mission for work to a vacation destination for a couple days of researching my current subject: Kids on Spring Break!
Yes, if youve known me long enough youll know that Ive done this before a couple years ago at Panama City Beach, FL. We got some good photos and some fun stories, but we didnt think that it was quiiiiite what we were looking for. So THIS year, Cancun, Mexico it is!
I wish I were more excited about this excursion. It could possibly be the fact that Im traveling with .how to put this delicately? Um, someone who bugs me a little. But thats not really fair and Im going to try to suck it up and be cool with her. Could also be the fact that Im no longer wild and crazy Party Girl anymore and the thought of going to some crazy raucous nightclubs in the middle of Spring Break is not my idea of a dream night.
BUT! Its all a part of the job, so I will do my very best to do my job and do it right and try my best to avoid stepping in vomit.
Funny to mention vomit, because our plane was late taking off for two reasons: (1) The flight attendants had to come from another plane and I guess that plane was late, and (2) after almost everyone boarded, someone discovered some throw-up in the aft part of the cabin. That was a direct quote from the captain. Oh joy. So this trip has already started off kind of barfy. Not to mention this lovely turbulence were having right now.
I will try to update as time allows (yeah right, Ive proven that Im no good at that). But this could be interesting.
In other news and I wanted to mention this first, but Im sure youre so sick of reading about my relationship back-and-forths. But this one is quite possibly the most important news of the whole marriage thing: TFMS made an announcement to me on Saturday. And it was a major announcement that left me with a swollen heart and so incredibly relieved. Bear with me once again.
OK. The thing is, he is so afraid of having more children. There are several reasons for this:
(1) He already has two
(2) Those kids live far, far away (granted, by his choice, but its so hard for him to be separated for long periods of time from his kids)
(3) His ex-wife abandoned him and those kids for well over a year and then she completely fucked him over during the divorce
(4) His own mother was a crappy mother and kind of screwed him over before she died
(5) His stepmother was a TERRIBLE stepmother who only loved her biological children
(6) He thinks that having another child and being with that child full-time would hurt his current kids and make them think that he doesnt love them as much
(7) He thinks that I wouldnt love his current children as my own if we were to have one together
(8) Kids are expensive
(9) Kids change your life completely and are an energy suck
(10) He likes the way we are living right nowthe two of us (plus visiting his kids and having them come stay with us a couple of times a year)
(11) He thinks that I will have a lot of trouble getting my body back into shape having a child over 40
(12) Kids are not the answer to relationshipsthey are a huge strain and are actually very hard on a couple.
And I have to say that these are ALL valid points and I understand where hes coming from.
But hes been back and forth and back and forth with me on the child thing. And if I were to be completely honest and forthright here I have to say that Ive been back and forth and back and forth with the wanting to have a baby issue. But the more he resists and tells me that I CANT have a baby if I want to be with him, the more I resist and tell him that he cant tell me what I can and cant do!
(And also how it hurts so much for him to tell me that I should go find someone else if I want a baby so desperately)
Its the most difficult argument and one that we have much too often. But on Saturday night he made the announcement and it went something like this:
I dont want to discuss it any more. You know my reasons for not wanting to have any more children. BUT. I have been thinking about this for a LONG time, and I see the efforts that you put into this relationship. I know how hard you work for this relationship. I see the progress youve made. I know how much you want us to work, and you give 150% effort. And I want you to think long and hard about having a baby. Think about the costs and the changes we will have to go through. Think about what it will mean to my children. Think about how we will take care of it and who will do what. And when YOU decide that youre ready, you just stop taking the pill. Dont tell me when. You just make that decision, and I will back it 100%. I will be by your side. And Im not going to take this back. I mean this, and I will be with you when you make your decision. The ball is now in YOUR court. I love you and Im with you.
And whoa.
Look at that. Now its up to ME. And what do I feel more than anything? Relief.
Relief that he recognizes how much this relationship means to me. Relief that he is no longer saying NO, NO, NO. Relief that the option is THERE on the table and not NOT an option anymore. Relief.
So what am I going to do about all this? Not sure yet.
BUT! I will tell you something else: we finally landed (after some delays) and made it to the hotel. Ive got to meet Michelle, like RIGHT NOW, so I need to get a move on.
More to follow!!
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