OK. OK. OK. Yes, I know and I realize that TFMS still doesnt necessarily want to have more kids right now. I guess the point I was trying to make is that he finally took away the absoluteness of NO. Does that make sense? The thing that was upsetting me was the fact that we are a couple and we have sex, and even though we are practicing birth control, the possibility of getting pregnant is still there. So the possibility of having children is still there. And he never wanted to discuss the possibility that I could get pregnant anyway!
And now hes not telling me that IF I want to have a baby I need to go find someone else to do that with. Hes telling me that there IS the possibility to have children together and IF that were to happen, hes OK and has come to terms with it.
That doesnt mean Ive already gone off the pill. Im still taking birth control. Look, I dont even REALLY know if I want to have kids or not, but the fact that the possibility is out there in the open is enough to make me feel a real sense of relief and makes me feel even stronger about our relationship.
The fact that hes willing to compromise in such a HUGE way means the world to me. Thats all. The fact that we do things for each otherwhether its building each other up through advice or actions (ie: working to be a neater person, staying sexy for each other, helping each other with workloads)is inspiring for both of us. And the more we do and say things for the others benefit, the more we are helping ourselves as well.
I dont know what I just said .lets just say that lately TFMS and I have been doing a LOT of adjusting for the better. And we both recognize the good outcomes. And it has made us both more agreeable to the other. We WANT to help each other out while helping ourselves out. We become better people this way.
Believe me, Im not working on getting pregnant right now. Im just working on being a good partner, trying to let go of insecurities, and becoming a better person for myself and everyone around me. And I know thats what TFMS is doing as well.
The kid stuff .well, that will come when it comes. IF it comes at all. I know I want to figure out how to be a good and decent (if not wonderful!) step-mommy and how that role will play out for me before I want to figure out more babies right now.
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