You have NO idea how comforting your notes are. Seriously. I don’t know what I would do without OD.
RL friends are being absolutely soothing and supportive, too. And of course, Mom and Dad are life savers, once again. I am so, so lucky.
I am “home” now. It is unbelievably quiet and unsettling. EX-MrSnap did something truly amazing: not only did he leave this place spotless, he pulled out some extra furniture that we had in storage and filled all the empty spaces so that it wouldn’t look like a 1/2 empty loft. He left some mementos and photos, and I noticed that he took some too (photos of us, etc.).
Yes, we have talked on the phone, and I need to do a much better job of being firm. He actually asked if he could come over tonight, and I wishy-washed a bit. He was like…well, what is it? Yes or No?
And I finally bucked up and said no. GAH! Mad at myself for not being absolute. Where is that strong woman? Where did she go?
It will be easier this week, I guess. He will be away on a business trip.
I’m not ready to write about the events that led up to this fucked-up situation. It’s too raw right now. And it’s so frustrating because it’s all such a fucking MISUNDERSTANDING and his warped PERCEPTION of things!!!! This should have NEVER EVER HAPPENED and I’m so angry about that.
Yet still so desperately, desperately sad. I can’t even bring myself to really open the floodgates because I’m afraid of what will happen when I do. Actually, the floodgates opened in front of EX-MrSnap at one point before his move out, and I think I surprised him with how upset I am.
I want to redecorate this whole place.
I am so lonely right now.
I am scared of what’s gonna happen when I’m alone here tonight.
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