How long is this gonna take? I really need to stop breaking down in tears in the office. I feel like this is worse than if he’d died because I KNOW he’s out there trolling match like a fiend and desperately seeking companionship. I also know that this is NOT the way I should be thinking, but goddammit!! GOD DAMMIT! You son of a bitch!
I am so pissed at myself for trying! So pissed at my GUT for telling me that I WILL be rewarded for my efforts in the end! So pissed at him for not shaking me and saying to me, “That’s it…the night is over. We’re leaving the party and going to our hotel room and we’ll sort it all out later.” Instead of driving off into the night.
So pissed that I skimmed over as many red flags as I could, and the ones I couldn’t ignore, I simply tried to fix or patch back together as best I could.
So pissed for falling head over heels in love with the guy simply because he smiled that sweet smile and told me that he looooooved me as I was walking onto that plane.
So pissed for always being nervous and thinking that one false move and the whole house will fall down. Guess what? I was RIGHT to be nervous, because that’s what HAPPENED!! Self-fufilling prophecy? I guess so.
So pissed for believing in the dream. So pissed for believing ANYTHING that he says or has ever said. I don’t know if anything is true.
All I know is that this will catch up with him eventually. It will. It has to. The only problem is, I will NOT feel vindicated when it does…I will only be more sad.
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