Scabby in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Wow. Some folks here on OD have told me that seeing EXMS would eventually come back to bite me in the ass, and I think that’s the case here. We’ve seen each other quite a bit during the last couple of weeks. I’d say ½ the time was good, but ½ the time has been more than shaky and even downright horrible.

Calluses, folks. I think you’re right.

I was all set to have dinner with him tonight and have him spend the night at my (formerly “our”) place, and then I was going to take him to the airport before the crack of dawn so he could fly to New York to pick up his kids who are flying in from Germany with their grandparents (his ex-in-laws).

The original plan was for EXMS and me to fly to NY, pick up the kids, have a great long weekend (I am going to NY anyway for business meetings next week), bring them back here for a month and then the visit would end a few days after our wedding.

Of course, that’s not exactly the case now, so Plan B was for EXMS to fly to NY and pick up the kids himself and spend the weekend with them. I am now flying in on Monday. I was going to have a day full of meetings, early dinner with my team (including BPP and Boss), and then I was going to visit EXMS and the kids after dinner on Monday.

NOW, because of another stupid, STUPID scuffle between EXMS and me, I am no longer taking him to the airport tomorrow AM. In fact, I’m probably NOT going to see the kids the whole time they are here. IN FACT, this could very possibly be the last of EXMS.

Yeah, I’m sad. But I’m not bawling my eyes out any more. Yeah, I’m hurt and disappointed. But the reality that we’re just NOT going to get married and be a family is finally, finally sinking in.

I no longer walk through this half empty loft in a state of disbelief. I walk around depressed, sure. I do cry on many occasions. In fact, now that we won’t be spending more nights together I’m sure I’ll suffer again. But believe it has actually happened, I finally do.

It’s been two months to the day since he left me at that party.

Damn. This blows. The shock is over. Now the aftershock?