Struggle in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

OK. I know, I know it’s time for an update. I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch. Haven’t felt like writing..at ALL, and have been on the evil, poisonous facebook/time-suck site. BUT! I am catching up with all my old friends and such. Still amazing how sucked in you can get.

I still have a job. In fact, I’m at the office right now (Saturday morning) catching up on work that was supposed to be done last week but wasn’t because I had to take another trip to NY. Man! What a pain getting there when it snows. I didn’t get into the city until after midnight on Tuesday because of the snow and had a meeting at 7:30am on Wednesday. NOT easy to get up in the morning…especially when my heart isn’t in it lately. Had a brief day and ½ there and turned around for home…getting in LATE on Thursday night. There goes the week.

Have been doing some soul searching lately. I’d really like to keep my job. But of course, I’m just starting to spend a bit of time creating a backup plan. Finally updating my resume, finally starting to network here and there. Finally getting my wind back.

Really, worry is just so exhausting. I have to put my efforts into stuff that I can control and really WORK on the stuff I can control because the stuff that I can’t control has been taking up waaaaaaay too much of my energy. And it’s such a HUGE energy suck.

I had a heart-to-heart with Boss’s counterpart while I was in NY (there were only a few of us there)…just to get a read on the vibe of the rest of the team. I asked her to keep it confidential, but I don’t trust her 100%, and truth be told I don’t care if it leaks to my boss because I want Boss to know that I am concerned about my status. Does that make sense? I want her to know that I’m not just going to drop the ball on this job. I also know that I have to fight for it if I want to keep it.

And that’s where I get so exhausted. But that’s just the state of the world right now. I’m going to have to fight regardless of what happens. Because I’ll have to fight for a new job if I lose this one and UGGGHHHHH…don’t you think it’s harder to win the fight for a NEW job than it is to fight for the one you already have??

I guess that depends on the situation. What I have right now is a HUGE hole to climb out of. Gigantic. And I need to get on that now.