Haven’t written an entry yet in this new format. Things are tough. I’m desperately and barely hanging on to my job right now. I really want to keep it, but I just wonder if it’s worth it. I do nothing but go to the office, eat, sleep, and get up and do it again.
Quality of life is not so great right now.
So what happens if I can pull through this and keep my job? Will I have to keep going like this? And how long would I be able to do it?
Somebody has it out for me, and I’m caught between proving why I should stay and throwing in the towel.
I’m sad and scared and I’m praying for an answer–again.
I miss my life, my exercise, my laughter, my friends, my love life, my parents, my diary…and you.
I have enough of a buffer saved that I’ll be fine for a year, but then after that…? That was once my nest egg. Now it’s my lifeline.
In other work-related news: did I tell you that BPP went overboard and has been in rehab for a few weeks? She comes back Wednesday, the same day I leave for Europe (yes, I’m going on a 10-day business trip to Europe, during which time I have to write several extra reports–virtually impossible unless I don’t sleep. I’m absolutely serious).
I wonder if I’d keep my job if I cracked like that?
I’m trying to set up a touch-base with her (aka groveling session) before the taxi takes me to the airport.
Why am I such a WUSS? Why can’t I get aggressive about this whole ordeal? I mean, all I’ve been doing these last few weeks is swim to the top for some air, but there’s this heavy, heavy anchor keeping me under.
It’s not the end of the world, I know. But why do I feel like it is?
And don’t even tell me to update the resume and get out there, etc. It’s updated, I’ve sent it out based on a couple of nibbles I’ve heard. But I haven’t had the time to write an entry, let alone search for a new job.
But I realize that since I AM writing an entry, perhaps I should be on the hunt as well.
I have TONS of work to finish tonight as well. And just when the FUCK am I supposed to PACK?????
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