Day…whatever in my unemployment. I’ve already lost count!
I have been chillin’ folks, plain and simple. Been pretty OK so far. I’m enjoying the rest. My sleep. My sanity. I’m actually going out and doing things. A little bit of socializing and a whole lot of getting myself back to center.
I haven’t heard a peep from ex-Boss. I know she was in NYC this week, and I didn’t tell M to give her my email address until Friday afternoon, so I don’t even know if she got the message, nor do I really care.
But I did get a phone call from one of my old vendors who left me a sweet voicemail message (I should call her back tomorrow). She said she’d talked with ex-boss and heard the story. And I have also heard from a few old colleagues who want to talk. I’m finally ready to talk to my old buds, so I’ve made a to-call list for tomorrow.
And I’ve talked with scores of other people too. My parents have a neighbor who does vocation counseling (with a religious bent, but he promised not to try to sway me into going on a mission or anything….although not a terrible idea). Anyway, they hooked me up with this guy yesterday and we had a session. He didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know, but it was good to get a fairly unbiased, professional opinion.
So, I’m going to cut and paste his “analysis” here. You may want to skip, this is for my own reference:
Key words that describe [Ginger Snap]:
Organized-Perfectionist-Creative-Competitive-Individualistic-Driven and desires order even in her creativity.
Steps she takes to meet a need or complete a task:
1. How [Ginger] sees a need (What attracts her to the need.)
A. A chance to shine (star) bring together and design something. Much pre-thought in preparation. (Expectations)
B. A hands -on project allowing creativity with a product.
C. Task or project (65%) People (35%)
D. One on one or small groupbest working alone.
E. Bringing together, removing avoiding friction, and details, a chance to compete.
F. Investigating, evaluating, and creating something.
G. The outcome of creating something of beauty-one of a kind.
2. How [Ginger] sees herself helping:
A. With individual skill sets, controlling, promoting, and creating wants quality or the best for others and herself.
B. Best one on one or small group.
C. Needs to be in-charge of her own project. High expectations of self and others. Needs the title with the authority.
D. Hands on, alongside service in the background.
E. Tour guide, mentor, coach if asked, yet competitive and wanting perfection.
F. Mostly alone, organizing, encouraging, communicating, and creating.
G. Needs to feel like part of the group and appreciated for a job well done.
H. Needs a way of expressing herself-writing, singing, talking. (PR)
I. Can lack self worth, acceptance, security, and significance. (Fear of failure.)
3. Getting Involved
A. Rescues, the project or product and leads quietly in the background.
B. Investigates the problem and brings order. (Took Science in College.)
C. Works to solve the need, looking for solution.
D. Brings to order, willing to be part of a small team if needed, but not preferred.
E. A desire or want of a person fulfilled, functional problem or task completed
F. Can bring in a team member to help if needed.
G. Enjoys variety, short term projects.
4. The Reward:
A. Self achievement. (Wants to win, create and complete a challenge)
B. Seeing change in the lives of people to better themselves.
C. Coming together of a given project and creating beauty.
D. Seeing the task and each person succeeding.
E. Some public recognition and an individual thank you…
Are you surprised by any of that? I’m not. So when I start tackling getting back to business, I guess the bottom line is, stay the course!!!
Of course, my course had been derailed. I know what I like doing (my last job was very much IT…it was just in the wrong format/context I guess. And it involved some insane people.
Oh yeah, Boss Party Pants? She wouldn’t even announce it in the staff meeting!!!! It’s like everyone is just finding out as I miss meetings, etc.! I don’t know what to say about her crazy drunk ass, except that perhaps she’s the smartest one of all to have bamboozled her way through her job.
AND my dad called me tonight asking me if I’d watched the news because my old NEMESIS had an interview and mentioned ME (well, by title, not name..but still it was MY WORK that he was talking about)–that FUCKER! I’m scanning the news website to see if I can pull the video and add it to my resume. You bet your SWEET ASS I’m going to use that shit to the fullest!!!
Ahem. Yes, I’m getting riled up about this. See? That’s the thing. I LOVED that job. LOVED it! Was proud of it. You know all this.
So I’m torn between letting go and still feeling completely screwed over. Because I KNOW I did a good job! I KNOW it! It would be one thing if I had screwed up royally and cost the company thousands of dollars, but I didn’t!! I was part of a team that was the MOST successful area in the company last year. And THAT’S what kills me.
And the thing about being FIRED simply slays me because it would be one thing if I’d called in sick all the time or fucked around on the clock or talked back to my boss. But I didn’t!! I just get so chapped thinking that I get put in the same bucket as ASSHOLES and HARRASSERS and fuckwads. Arrrggghh!
I know, let it go. This helps. OD helps.
And so does hanging with the friends who invite me to super hardcore rock shows (like I did with Cindy on Saturday night), and sushi outings, and cocktails and runs in the park, and sitting on the porch swing at my parents place, etc. etc.
It’s allllllll good people. I’m lucky. And I’ll be fine.
More to write, but I’m drained again. Getting it all out can be exhausting.
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