I opted to stay in tonight, even though I was invited to a birthday party (do not know the honoree) and dinner with Maria and someone else I don’t know. Was going to go out with Cindy, but she was headed to dinner with another friend and we were both kind of out of steam.
Instead, I have been a domestic diva. Gave myself a mani/pedi (can’t believe how gorgeous my fingernails are now that I’ve gotten rid of all of that gross acrylic crap and started DIY-ing*), baked cupcakes from scratch for my mama (and myself…eeek!), futzed around on my new iphone and the computer, leafed through a bunch of mail (paycheck for my unused vacay was really nice, but some mail addressed to EXMS from a collection agency was not so cool), magazines, coupons (yeah!), etc.
I’ve been wondering to myself why I really wanted to stay in this weekend. And as I type this out, I’m becoming really aware of what’s going on inside me.
It was a year ago this weekend that the future I was expecting exploded and then disintegrated. It was a year ago…I remember well because I missed having Mother’s Day with my mom. It was a year ago when he left me, literally, physically, mentally.
It’s been a really messed up year, and it’s high time I figure it all out. Because it’s obvious that things haven’t quite been working out the way I’ve been going, so as comfortable as status quo has gotten (which is not really all that comfortable), it will soon be time for BIG change.
And I should be using this time wisely. To recharge batteries, regroup and figure out my plan. Remember my old plans? OOT and OOT 2? Time to come up with something completely different. OOT was a good formula (stands for Operation Outta There), but I’m not in the same game any more. No, this is something completely different and it calls for a much different plan.
So watch this space for something major to bubble up. It has to be major or it’s not going to work. Obviously, I’m being challenged to come up with something good. I have always been proud of my achievements. It’s just that time again.
*sigh*
OK. Getting late and I’m getting tired. I want to go to church tomorrow and then off to Mom and Dad’s place.
I’ve avoided church for the past couple of weeks, too. I had a kind of weird experience the last time I was there: I sat in front of this really nice man (I’ve seen him there many times), and we said hello during the “peace”, which was really nice. But as church was ending and I was turning around to leave, he handed me a sealed envelope, and inside was a note and his business card and he was asking me out…and I never replied or called or anything.
Just felt weird about the whole thing.
Anyway. I’d like to go tomorrow because it brings me peace and I feel like I need it. Unfortunately, I don’t want to have to confront/be confronted by this guy. But there we go again with the avoiding conflict stuff.
OK. I’m tired and it’s already tomorrow, so I’m going to close here.
Until later,
G
*edit* DIY=Do It Yourself
And thanks, CN, you are right. I just sent the guy an email. I don’t know if he’ll get it before church, but I feel better.
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