It’s really so exhausting. They say that you have to go out and create your own destiny and your own happiness, and I get that.
But there IS NO REST!! See? There doesn’t seem to be the end of that rainbow. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life running towards that pot of gold, but what happens when you run towards the end of the rainbow? It’s nothing but an optical illusion.
Am I running towards the wrong things? How come I got sooooo close to getting married and having a baby…finally! My own family! Only to have it ripped away?
How come I climbed and clawed my way partially up the corporate ladder only to have someone knock all the rungs out from under me?
Are these just gigantic signs telling me that I’m going in the absolute WRONG direction?
I don’t understand.
And yes, I have felt extremely sorry for myself this week. I know that these are lessons. I know that they are supposed to make me stronger. But, WTF???
What is so wrong with my karma that I keep getting BLASTED? I don’t think I’m an evil person. I’m not malicious. I don’t wish harm on anyone (well…lately I kinda do, but…).
I’m ashamed and embarrassed. TWO HUGE FAILURES in one year. I’m embarrassed to be writing this and embarrassed about feeling so sorry for myself.
I’m tired and I know that I’m the only one who can get myself out of this, but I don’t even feel like trying right now.
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