Now Where Was I? in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

Yikes. I skipped a few days of writing and now there is soooooo much to tell! And a lot of it is good, so perhaps I’ll make this JuPoThiMo #18-22? I know, I haven’t been the best at this assignment. But it’s probably the HARDEST to write ONLY good things about yourself. Yes, good things are happening, that’s for sure. But it is certainly a mix of good and not-so-great, and I want to write it all down.

So lets see! I haven’t written since Wednesday? Really? How on earth can time be flying so quickly—especially since I’m not working? Crazy. Speaking of which, I’ve had some pretty low lows the past few days. I could chalk it up to wack hormones, but man, I’ve had a couple of pretty pathetic crying jags—huge, sobbing, heaving cries. It’s so obvious I never fully grieved the end of my relationship with EXMS, and it almost feels like starting over. The good news is, he hasn’t contacted me. That helps tremendously. It’s been almost a month.

I’ve been sleeping on the sofa again. Weird that I can’t sleep in the bed. Been spending too much time on this damn couch and I realize that it what I thought was my refuge is actually exposing me to much more attention than I want.

Let me explain. I live in an open loft in an old warehouse. The building is built kind of like an “L” shape, and my place is on a corner, so there are basically walls of windows on two sides, and one side looks out on the rest of the building. A lot of people go to the roof of the building to watch sunsets, and take in the amazing view.

Last night I was lying on the sofa, talking with Cindy on the phone. I was half naked (and yes, I should have known better, but I’m always pretty comfortable in my own place and don’t think too much about it). So while I was on the phone, I got a text from a neighbor, and I just happened to look at the phone and then look around and what did I see? THE NEIGHBOR was on the roof at an angle that I normally don’t notice, staring at me in all my nude-ass glory! And I wasn’t sure if he could really see me or not (glare and all), but it was shocking to look out the window to see someone looking back! And the text had nothing to do with seeing my big, white ass…so I just wonder…

Notes to self: become more aware of surroundings; pants are helpful; don’t splay legs while talking on phone.

Additional notes: closing blinds are not an option for me because I NEED that natural light and it’s a huge hassle to close them; and I’m not saying don’t look in my window, I just need to make sure that I pay more attention when I’m in various states of undress as well as where I plant myself when I talk on the phone.

GAH!

I’m reading the book How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk by John Van Epp. I have really enjoyed reading about the more scientific side of love. It’s really making me think about the people I’m attracted to and get involved with and how quickly the relationship tends to move. It’s also made me really challenge myself and study my own jerk qualities. I’ve spent some time crying over that shit too. Anyway, there are tons of fascinating tidbits, and I’ve taken copious notes because I’m going to return the book to TMG tonight (he let me borrow it, but I think it’s worth buying…note that it’s sold out right now @ Amazon.com).

I may use this space to write down some of the scribbly notes that I took. I could really use a space to be able to come back and read, and typing it out here might reinforce those ideas.

I’m headed to TMG’s in a few. We’re going to do a mock radio show as practice for our actual show. We had a guest lined up for last Saturday, but he backed out. I think he was afraid to be the first guest! But TMG has lined someone else up for this week! He’s really excited about this, and I’m pretty apprehensive, but it’s something fun and I’m enjoying the hell out of putting this together with him.

Crap, I’ve run out of time! I wanted to write about the weekend, so here are some thoughts I want to finish later: