The Rockets Red Glare in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

I suppose it’s time to write the follow-up entry about The 4th of July Party. I’m going to write about that in a moment.

First, let me just write this out. I’m having an EXMS relapse and as much as you might be rolling your eyes, this shit hurts. I have been doing really, really well lately. We haven’t talked at all—no contact—in 6 weeks.

But while I was out and about today, I saw something random that reminded me of him, and this HUGE rush of emotion came over me, and it floored me. I welled up in tears and had to remove myself from the situation. I miss him terribly. But instead of contacting him, I’m just going to get it out here and leave it here.

I miss him. I still love him, and a piece of me always will, I just know it. But our relationship was not good for me, and that’s a fact. It didn’t bring out the very best in me. And I don’t think I have anything more to say about that right now. Just glad I got it out here and I’m not going to do anything rash.

So, the party!! It was nice. Fun. Okay. It was a little anticlimactic. And to be completely truthful, I think it would have been better had K. actually shown up! At least it would have kept me from being alllll goopy over Tony the Tiger (aka Shirt Ripper).

I was late getting ready because I had taken a loooooong, steamy shower, polished the paws, did my hairs, and put on my sparkly eyelashes AND I was making cucumber sandwiches while talking with K. on the phone. Before I knew it, Cindy showed up and then my parents showed up and then the neighbor from the bar the night before showed up—everyone in high-gear which put me into a spin trying to finish getting ready.

Cindy was cool, though and brought me a glass of wine while I put the finishing touches together. And even my parents chipped in. My dad strung lights outside my door while my mom lit all the candles.

Once that was all done, everything was fine and I could enjoy the party.

Until Tony the T. showed up. And he showed up looking goooooood. And single. And I was hoping beyond hope that TMG would show up and take some of the attention off him because I was dumbstruck and mesmerized by him (aaaarrrggghhh! Why oh why?).

Alas, TMG never showed! WTF? Nor did a bunch of other friends who’d RSVP’d. TMG had gone to the horse races earlier and I guess it ended much later than he’d planned and then he was stuck in traffic. I was bummed that he was a no-show, but it was not a huge deal. Other friends had either overextended their plans (other parties, etc.), and Vanessa had a migraine. And these things happen.

But plenty of other people showed up, and we had a fantastic time! The fireworks were stunning outside my windows, and everyone enjoyed themselves. I just wish I hadn’t been so ga-ga over Tony the T. and mingled more.

Nothing I can do about it now. It was just weird. I was actually relieved when he left. I can’t stand that he has that effect on me.

The whole thing was over by 12:30, and I was just fine with that. It went off without a hitch, and we had some great laughs. I’m happy my parents came. They are so funny because they sort of mingle on the sidelines and stay away from all the action. It’s really cute, and I’m proud that they want to be involved.

[note: now that I don’t have my digital camera (it was a work tool), I wasn’t able to take party pix. Boo. But Cindy took quite a few, so when I get them I may post a few here]

Still, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if K. had come. Hmmmmmm.

Strange thing about K. I can’t quite figure out what I’m feeling for him. One one hand, he is extremely attractive to me—not just in the looks department, but also in his career and his connections and stature. On the other hand, he is not as self-assured as I would expect from a man of his stature. I can sense an insecurity about him that brings about some unattractive qualities: jealousy, a sort of feather-ruffling, and a rigidity that is reminiscent of EXMS. Why do I seem to attract that?

And something that is peeving me right out: he says “fuck” constantly! It’s like his favorite word or a tick or something. He uses it so much that I’ve pointed it out so many times that he calls me “Baby Ears.” It’s one thing to use it for emphasis every now and then. It’s another when it peppers every other fucking sentence! Eh.

Much more about him later, I’m sure. I can tell he is vying for a relationship, and I’m cautious but curious about him and want to explore more.

Oh! And one other note regarding my love life: I have another RAD to complete!

Next up: INTERVIEW!!

Yes, the phone interview went well. I’m 99% sure the woman who interviewed me pretty much already wanted me to fly out for an interview based on my resume. And that’s cool because the interview only took 15 minutes.

I’m thrilled to get this opportunity, but also nervous about so many things: (1) not a product category I’m familiar with, (2) would require a move, (3) I like it here

But. I’ll worry about all that stuff if and when it happens. For now, I do need to plan and prepare and start working on this project. I’m flying out on the 21st, so I do have a little bit of time, but I’m already out of practice after being out of work for 2 months now!

Time to roll…