PIC OF THE DAY!
Today’s photo prompt is EMOTIONS. This picture kind of conveys my emotions right now. I took this picture on a trip to Berlin. It’s a bombed church called Kaiser-Wilhelm-Gedächtniskirche. The “new” part is a memorial. I feel so much like this today–one part a bombed shell, the other part new and shockingly different.
TODAY…
1. Thankful that I don’t have the blues ALL the time.
2. Thankful that I know this feeling will go away eventually.
3. Thankful that I haven’t cried all day–just part of it.
4. Thankful for my meeting with Jim, the video guy…prompted some exciting thoughts regarding business.
5. Thankful for good follow-ups with more business leads.
What an exciting and frustrating and bluesy and strange day. I’m discombobulated and weepy. I guess it’s my body’s way of preparing for upheaval. Another big, big change is upon us. And guess what? That’s right, I said “us”. You’re coming along for the ride!
Last night I had a date with CC. I was dreading it because I knew I was going to have to tell him that I don’t want to see him anymore. He’d asked me to dinner and then wanted to see a movie afterward at the theater that’s a block from his house. I could tell what he was plotting: ply me with food and wine, get me a little sleepy in a dark movie theater, then back to his place for a nightcap. MmmmHmmm.
So, I started to nip it in the bud at dinner, but he somehow talked me into talking and talking.
Truth be told, I’m extremely comfortable with him. There’s something soothing about spending time with him, so the fact that he wanted to talk even though I basically told him that I wasn’t feeling the love was somehow comforting.
We went to another place and talked for two and a half more hours. Way to nip it in the bud, huh? Who am I kidding? I hoped it was a nice and gentle let-down.
But our conversation today (yes, we ended up talking again today) made me a little blue. Yeah, you all know he’d originally confided some semi-seedy stuff to me early on, and the red flags went flying. They played a big role in my reaction to the tongue ramming and then every experience after that.
Anyway, he told me that he’s decided to take a break from dating for a while based on a lot of factors (but implied that it was due to my lack of interest).
*shrug*
Whatareyagonnado?
I need to find out something. When does a person cross the line from being heartbroken to being a tad clinically depressed? Is it okay to tear up suddenly and unexpectedly? In the most random places? I mean, for the longest time, I was so shocked by the breakup that I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was paralyzed. And then EXMS kept coming back and coming back and really messing with my brain/heart combo.
So guess what has had me all kinds of blubbery today? Tomorrow is EXMS’s 40th Birthday. Huge milestone. And even last year at this time we were speaking, so we celebrated in a very low key way. But this year…I don’t know. I just feel like I’m missing something HUGE and significant.
I did something semi-stalkerish today. I wrapped up a bottle of bubbly and got the most perfect card and wrote a little note and did a drive-by. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that nervous and weird. Funny what the body does. I was shaky and nauseous and was all kinds of relieved when I saw that there were no cars in the driveway.
I dropped the goods off on his front steps, and I might regret the hell out of doing that, but I really, really just wanted to show some kind of sentiment–something that would let him know that I was thinking about him on his 40th.
Sue me. It felt good to get that out there. It’s an odd feeling of relief.
Moving right along.
Getting texts from Daniel (my RAD from Monday night) as I tap out this entry. They are nice. Kinda clever.
Damn texts. He should just pick up the phone and call. And then he should ask me out again. Everyone knows (including him!) that I’ll say yes. Why do they have to drag that shit out?
Still, I’m pleased to hear back. Even if it is a teasing, taunting tidbit of a nibble. Ugh. That sounded pathetic. I’m still leaving it.
In JOB news:
I went to talk to Video Wizardry Guy from the loft holiday party. We tossed some ideas around, and I want to get him in touch with some of my connections. But DUH! I simply must start being much more business savvy. I should be getting paid for these connections. He even started that negotiating process with me, so I need to collect my head and get on the ball with this guy. His expertise fascinates me and I found myself spouting out a few thoughts that could REALLY work with what I’d ultimately like to be doing in the not-so-distant future.
He’s asked me to stick around the studio. In essence, try out for a gig. I have to think this through strategically. Because see, his work gives me goosebumps. I can feel passion for what he does because I can see what he’s doing as being a major breakthrough for MY type of business as well!
Just need to start putting pencil to paper to work out some proposals.
AND! Today I was also connected with a woman from NY/Philly (two offices) who owns a manufacturing company. I was referred to her as a possible account manager or sales rep (again, not my thing). BUT! We started talking through things, and she said that she’d already checked out my blog and said that she would be interested in discussing what I could offer through my consulting business!! REALLY? Did this just fall right into my lap??!!
She asked me to send her a listing of my offerings and capabilities. Not only THAT, she said she’d pass it along to her colleagues who are looking for similar services!!
Oh mah GAH! As I type this out, I realize the implications that this could have!! What the HELL am I doing crying about my love life when I should be getting a move on with my proposal??!
I need to go. I need to go do this while the ideas are bubbling up.
Yesssssss.
(Gah, I’m a freak)
Love yous!
Loading comments...