New Week/Month/Options in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

PIC OF THE DAY!

Booties!! These are some samples of leather and faux leather booties a woman is making at the studio. They are going to be adorable! Make me want to have a bebe! The infamous BAG photos will follow soon…

TODAY…

1. Thankful for some perspective! I’m starting to think much more clearly.

2. Thankful for all the girlfriendy advice I could ever hope for.

3. Thankful for cold winter evenings that keep me at home so I can get organized.

4. Thankful for the new week. Something WILL happen this week, I know it.

5. Thankful and excited (but not TOO excited) for my date with CC on Tuesday.

Hello, February 2010! I can’t believe you’re here already! Isn’t tomorrow Groundhog Day?? Whoa. I mean, I don’t want that much winter anymore, but I don’t want Spring to speed up and be here already. I’m not quite prepared. Still have a LOT to cover this winter.

So.

It appears I have settled down a bit. Thank God. Hang on, coffee is ready and I want to settle in on this entry. There.

Okay. Settled down a bit where CC is concerned. See, where I was really starting to freak out about the whole sex/relationship thing, that whirlwind of emotion is just beginning to settle down and the crazy fog is starting to lift.

No, we have still not sealed the deal. And CC is not pushing–too hard. We are really and truly getting to know each other. And I mean, yeah, things are still hot and steamy, but they are not boiling over and spilling all over the place.

I suppose that this way is not quite as insanely exciting, but who needs the insanity part anyway?

The more we hang out, the more I start to see the man for who he really is at this point in time. And who do I think he really is? Well, remember that I’m just starting to find out, but here’s what I see at this point in time:

CC is a VERY nice, friendly man who has been divorced for almost a year and a half. He is a loving, doting, and present father who loves his three daughters very much. He still has issues with his ex-wife, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they are both still in love with each other. She causes some trouble for him, and I’m not quite sure he knows how to handle her manipulative ways now that they are no longer a couple.

He is a successful businessman who is always doing deals, strategizing, and planning. In a way, it is a 24/7 type situation, but he can also do his business from anywhere in the world (ie. Mexican beaches, Vegas, the Superbowl, Europe), and he takes full advantage of the fact that he loves to enjoy the fruits of his labor. He travels a lot, many times on whims.

He has cool hobbies: wine collecting/drinking (!), photography, music, the theater, various sports, etc.

CC has been going through his second bachelorhood since his separation from his ex-wife. He’s been “out there” for well over two years, and has spent a fair share of this time bagging (mostly) young women who seem to look up to him and admire his stature. He does look younger than 50, and has taken very good care of his body. He’s an attractive man, and he uses that to his full advantage.

I think he thinks he’s finally ready for a relationship, but I also think he’s not quite sure. He likes me a lot, I can tell. He has invested a LOT of time (and wine!!) in me. Lately, he’s been in constant touch with me, be it in person on dates, talking on the phone, or texting (even while he was on a guys’ trip in Mexico). We share funny little personal jokes and even have code names for each other. We enjoy each others company, turn each other on tremendously, and fit quite well together.

And of course, there’s much, much more. But that’s a nutshell of what’s happening here. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about something that LDL (remember him?!) once told me: the first relationship following a divorce or major breakup is transitional. It’s the relationship that you use to work through the unresolved issues from the past relationship. It will probably never work out.

So here’s my thought. What if we both used this one as transitional? Would there be anything wrong with that? The only thing that bugs me is the fact that I’d really like to get married and I still think I might want children in my life in some way. I’m not saying I have to give birth. If that happens, great, but I don’t want to be pregnant at 45. If I spend a LOT of time investing in this, will I lose out if an when it doesn’t work out? Or can I use this one to my advantage and work through issues that might make me better for the next relationship…the one that sticks?!

I know, overthinking. But rather than freaking out about stuff like sex and wondering when he’s going to call, I’d like to look at this in a more rational, sane manner.

Who knows. I know there are no guarantees–in anything. But I also know that I need to at least have some kind of a strategy. Sure, it would be nice to just say I’m going to enjoy this and let nature take it’s course. But I actually do have a GOAL in mind. And when a goal is involved, a passive role simply will not do. It’s impossible to hit a goal without planned effort. And then action.

So. CC is going to the Superbowl in Miami on Sunday. Meanwhile, I’ve been invited to a Superbowl party by a man I have suddenly found very interesting. He aggressively pursued having a drink with me, and last week I was able to have that drink in a group setting and I liked the vibe a lot. I’m not saying that I’m going after this guy. What I AM saying is that I’m not going to rule out exploring this possibility.

Remember my kissing episode a few weeks ago? I think that was my subconscious mind telling me to keep exploring my options. I don’t know. What the hell do I know except the fact that I know I need to keep enjoying this! It’s allllll good and delicious, so what’s not to love?

Oh so much more to write and post!! But this LOVE stuff seems to be top of mind. Maybe I’ll come back later. So much to write about