Balls.* in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

 
 
Well hello there!  How’s everyone been?  I’ve been fabulous, thanks for asking! 
 
Last I wrote, I was getting ready for “The Ball” and you guys were giving me crap about not posting photos.  Well, believe it or not, SexyPants and I only got a few photos, and not ONE of them showed my full dress!!  : (
 
So in an effort to appease, I’m going to post a pic of the full dress…with someone else modeling it, but you get the idea, right?
 

 
My Calvin Klein “steal” gown set me back $64!  But you bet your sweet ass I wore my black, strappy Loubies!!
 
For those of you who are FB friends, you have seen the pic of me and SexyPants, no?  He was not super happy about the photo because it’s not a really good one of him (he thinks he looks like a red-nosed drunk in it), but seriously, it’s the best one we got.  I don’t know what the problem was…why we couldn’t get good pictures or one of my dress…  Suppose it was because of all the fun we were having!
 
And OH the fun we had!! We flew in on Saturday afternoon. I didn’t really even know what a Mardi Gras Ball was all about.  For those of you NOT from Louisiana, do you know?  I didn’t.  It’s this big, BIG event that is full of pomp and circumstance and sparkles!  Long gowns, black ties (among other colors) and bands and beads.
 
And booze.
 
His whole family was there (I really love how SexyPants loves to do so many things with his family), and I was just filled with such a welcome feeling from everyone.  I really, really love his family.
 
And I continue to just be blown away by how happy we are when we’re together.
 
I’m very much savoring this time in my life.
 
Because of course, as they say in the fashion business, “For every trend, there’s a countertrend.”
 
We barely communicate when he travels.  And I’m just not used to having a boyfriend who doesn’t text me several times a day or talk with me at least once. 
 
I’m not saying that we never talk, but here’s the deal:  from the very beginning of our relationship I told him that I am not a clingy, needy type of girlfriend.  And he was pleased.  But funny enough, I guess I’m very much used to co-dependent partners, because when I don’t hear from him for a day at a time I start to feel a little insecure.
 
See, with EXMS (and even other boyfriends), I was used to several texts here and there throughout every day when he or I were traveling.  And a phone call every night was a given!  Even when I was out of the country, I made sure to call him or he called me every day.
 
So when I barely hear anything from SexyPants (one or maybe two VERY short texts per day and we are extremely lucky to get a 2-minute phone call in), I get that twinge and…ugh…that pang. 
 
I know it’s just relationship style, and I also know he’s very busy.  BUT I also know his past.  This is just going to take some time to figure out.  And it’s taking me a little time to relax.  And these things are, of course, some things that I am working on with each trip he takes.
 
And funny enough, I get the feeling that I’m actually going to like not anticipating a phone call or a dragging text conversation because that means I don’t have to get all antsy with the wait, if you will.  Does that make sense?
 
I mean, it did last night when I had dinner with Max and Bob, two good friends I hadn’t seen in a long, long time.  It was lovely.  I didn’t check my phone every 5 minutes – which yes, I realize I should never do anyway, but probably would have knowing that SexyPants is in Alaska and trying to reach me.
 
And do you know what?
 
When dinner was over and Max and Bob and I had said our goodbyes, not only had SexyPants sent a text, but he also left a voice mail!!!  And of course, it was a voicemail telling me that he was taking clients out to dinner, so that I wouldn’t hear from him for the rest of the evening/night, but that was enough for me.
 
It really is funny, though.  When we’re together, we are all over each other, obviously deeply in love,  and we are as happy as two goofball lovers can be – and it shows.  But when he goes, he is g.o.n.e. and I guess that’s what has me a bit on edge.
 
I’ll figure this stuff out, I will.  As long as he gives me no reason to fear, I’ll slowly get over my fear of abandonment and fear of being cheated upon and fear of…oh hell, pretty much everything!!
 
But I’ll tell you this much, January 26th can’t come fast enough!

*OMG! Either SexyPants was reading this entry or he was reading my mind, because as I was driving home from work just about an hour after I wrote the above, he called from his Alaska office and we had the BEST talk!

It wasn’t anything heavy at all. But it was quality. It was light and fun and silly and full of how-are-yous and I-miss-yous and I-can’t-wait-to-see yous and laughter.

I feel connected, in touch, and settled again.

And now I have a whole evening of Ginger Time ahead of me! Aaaah. This is very cool.