Shoes on a Hill in Open Diary 2001-2018 (Pre-Prosebox)

OK.  OK.  Regarding yesterday’s entry ( <– check it out if you haven’t already), here’s what happened:   though EXMS and I are not FB friends, I do occasionally type in his name in the search feature to see what picture he’s posted of himself.  Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t stopped doing that.  I mean, I do it with quite a few people anyway.  I recently found another old ex that way just by searching for his name as well. And what I found out with the other ex was truly, TRULY shocking (deserves a separate entry).
 
Anyway.   The day before yesterday, I clicked on EXMS, and the photo that I saw was not his normal photo of his solo smiling self, nor was it the one of him posing with his current girlfriend.  No, this time it was a black and white photo of a pair of teeny tiny shoes, sitting on top of a hill….
 
On much closer inspection, I realized that it was not a hill, but a smooth, round bump of a very pregnant belly!
 
Oh, the flurry of clicking I did as soon as I saw that. I was bound and determined to solve this strange mystery! I clicked allllll over Facebook, and finally, I did something that I should have done in the very, very first place.  I found a baby registry in his name (and of course, her name too).  Now I know exactly who she is via FB, LinkedIn, and Target and Pottery Barn’s baby registry (which also lists their due date of March 23rd).  Everything they’d picked out was boy-colored,  and that’s how I know they are expecting a boy.
 
I also found out that she’s 42, I know what she does for a living, and I don’t think that they are married (couldn’t find anything indicating that they’d tied the knot or even intend to be).  I have an address for her, but she may have moved in with him, as I can tell by her FB photo that she’s inside his house.
 
Whew!
 
So after allllll of that, once the initial shock wore off, what do I think about it?  Honestly and truly (and surprisingly), not all that much.
 
All I know is how much he and I struggled over the baby issue.  I know what an ass he was with me, telling me that he thought I’d ruin my body and that I’d only love my biological child and not his kids.  He had this really guilty complex over the fact that his two kids from his previous marriage were in Germany, and how he worried that they would think he had favoritism with the baby who he was spending much more time with.
 
Issues.  Millions of them.  Ones that I will never, ever have with him.
 
Truly, I feel relief.
 
I feel relief over the fact that I am over this relationship (yes, I still click around the internet, but I think that’s more of a curiosity than it is an obsession).  I feel relief in the fact that I have found another love…a much better love—someone who adores me for who I am, not what he wants or expects me to be.  I feel relief in the fact that I will never have to struggle over baby issues with EXMS—ever again. 
 
Let her take this on.  More power to her.
 
Meanwhile, I will continue to bask in the glow that is my true love.  I’ve finally found something that makes me feel so very, very good.  It’s never a struggle with SexyPants.  Ever.  We have yet to have an argument of any kind.  We don’t have to agree on everything, but we have never struggled. 
 
I am thankful for the way my life is going.  I know my relationship certainly isn’t everything, but it sure is different when it’s healthy.
 
The baby thing?  I still don’t know.  Nor do I need to know today.  All I know is, today I feel complete, loved, and excited for the future.
 
I love you more than s’mores…which reminds me!  I need to tell you about Valentine’s Day!!!
 
Must work first.  So much to write, so little time!  LOVE YOU!