Really wish I had time to write and write and write and write. Alas. Gotta get this thing called work done. I used to be able to write. What has happened?
Oh! The good news is, I’m getting another body to help me with this shit. Yes, there are going to be two of “me”s. While I hate to relinquish all the power, it will be nice to feel like I’m working normal shifts after October rolls around.
Meanwhile, the “boys” are traveling (SexyPants and SOS). While SexyPants waits for SOS’s admission to the new place, he has to take him on his business trips. Can you imagine?? It’s a long, long story, but I will say this: the one time he didn’t take SOS on a business trip was the time that SOS got VIOLENT and sent me packin’ out of SP’s place. Guys, seriously. Long, ugly story. And I still feel like a jerk.
Today, my good friend and coworker, Marci brought me a prayer. Know what it said?
“All children are truly a gift from God. Each one is unique and created for a special purpose in life. Our special needs children are an even greater gift. They teach us patience, understanding and the true meaning of unconditional love. they bless our lives in so many ways, and we are grateful for each one. Lord, please open my heart and mind to see the ability and not the disability and to see your kindness and love in every single one. In your precius name I pray, Amen.”
While that is so, so true and brought a tear to my eye, I actually wondered if this prayer is worth it when he’s killing me and his dad and chopping our bodies into little, tiny pieces???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????!!!!
And yes, I do worry about what people think on here. I worry about what everybody thinks. I seriously do NOT think I’m an asshole, but of course, I don’t want YOU to think I’m one either!
I just want things to be right and good. I don’t want to be in a place where I feel scared. And I also think that SexyPants is going to lose his patience with me. And I guess that this is a test of our relationship. Right there.
I mean, SexyPants even told me that we needed some kind of “hurdle” to see if our relationship was strong enough.
Well, here it is, buddy. What do you think now?
And the thing is, we still ADORE each other!!! When we’re together, we ROCK!!! It’s just that we do get stressed out with SOS. Both of us. It’s not just me.
And I have never, ever lost my patience with SOS (though I have wanted to a million times over). I never have. But what I do end up doing is just leaving. That’s the part that SUCKS BUTT. Leaving. Because I so want to be there with my honey, but there are waaaaaaaay too many other things swirling around. It’s a yucky feeling.
I cannot belive that September starts tomorrow (??!!). This is in-fricking-sane!!!!! I do not want September yet. I didn’t even have Summer! : (
I’m not ready for my trip to China. I’m not ready to travel for 2 1/2 weeks. I’m not ready!!!!
I can’t remember the last time I took a vacay (besides that motorcycle trip when I took two days off of work). I want to be alone with my honey, but I’m not sure when that’s gonna happen.
*sigh*
I renewed my OD subscription today. I guess I got one more year of getting it out here.
I love you, OD!!!!
GS
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