Top 20 U.S. Town Names I would be most proud to call home
(Kristine of Seattle, WA)
20. Boring, Oregon
19. Flippin’, Arkansas
18. Hooker, Oklahoma
17. Intercourse, Pennsylvania
16. Loop Loop, Washington
15. Megadeth, Arizona
14. Slaughter, Louisiana
13. Bowlegs, Oklahoma
12. Cut and Shoot, Texas
11. Stalker, Pennsylvania
10. Monkey’s Eyebrow, Arizona
9. Hell, Michigan
8. Ruff Starbuck, Washington
7. French Lick, Indiana
6. Gay Head, Massachussets
5. Gay Ass, Texas
4. Left Hand, West Virginia
3. Blue Ball, Pennsylvania
2. Muff Junction, Alaska
1. HUMPTULIPS, WASHINGTON
Top 10 Porn Movies Titles That Never Existed
(“Saucy Parrot from Toronto”)
1. Shaving Ryan’s Privates
2. The Object of my Erections
3. The Sweet Rear-After
4. The Smutty Professor
5. Men in Back
6. Sophie’s Moist
7. Sodomy Night Fever
8. Rodzilla
9. Field of Reems
10. The Odd Coupling
Top Ten Quotes to Do With Drink
(Anon, the World Wide Superweb)
1) I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. –Frank Sinatra
2) The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober. –William Butler Yeats
3) An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. –Ernest Hemingway
4) Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouthshut. –Ernest Hemingway
5) Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. –Catherine Zandonella
6) Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.–Ambrose Bierce
7) Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. –Anonymous
8) Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. –Ross Levy
9) A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. –W.C. Fields
10) What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? –W.C. Fields
Top Ten ‘Types of Employees’ that a managerial seminar can help you effectively
control
(Byron Karl, New York City)
1) Insubordinate Subordinate: Challanges you in front of other workers and mangers
2) Tortoise: Shows up late or not at all
3) Thumb-Twiddler: Lacks motivation and initiative
4) Clock Watcher: Refuses to work weekends or even a minute beyond “quitting time”
5) Amy Attitude: Her negative attitude brings everyone down
6) Blameless Bob: Always has an excuse for everything
7) Hand Holder: Needs constant supervisionv8) Worrywort: Has personal problems that infringe on the workday
9) Whiner: Complains no matter what he or she is asked to do
10) Antagonist: Is rude and unpleasant to co-workers, vendors and customers
Top 10 Labels on Consumer Products
(Gwen McGinty from Glasgow)
1. On a blanket from Taiwan –
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists –
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLYBEHIND YOU.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo –
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray –
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer –
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
OPEN OTHER END.
9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFASTCEREAL?
10. On a Sears hairdryer -DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
Loading comments...