15 – Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Will tells everyone individually that he thinks Lindsay is a whore. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Lindsay and Lewis are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Will.
16 – The nominations are announced. Lindsay can’t believe she’s been voted out two weeks in a row. Lewis is equally stunned and turns to Lindsay for comfort. Simon is distraught and confesses to Tabby that he thinks he is in love with Lewis. Tabby says she doesn’t fancy any of the housemates because they’re all just too heterosexual and she’s a lesbian, you know
17 – The public vote Lewis out of the house. Lindsay says she is gutted and even gives Lewis a clipping of hair from her Vagina to prove how much she cares. Simon is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. Lewis leaves.
18 – The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Lindsay clipping the hair from her Vagina. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 – Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Tibet in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 – Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Tibet sounds like but Simon says it’s a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Will as the one who must complete the task.
21 – Will successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Tibet but also God Save The Queen, Angels and the theme tune to Angel. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 – Nominations are due and Will tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Simon and Tabby are nominated.
23 – Simon and Tabby take their nominations well and sit down with Will and Lindsay to discuss why they voted for them. Will keeps quiet but Lindsay accuses Simon of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred dick before bursting into tears.
24 – The public vote Tabby out of the house and nobody really gives a shit. Tabby leaves.
25 – Will becomes the first housemate to have a wank. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother pschologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of Will’s mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he’s a wanker.
26 – Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Camel dung using only a Knife. Will is unsure but Simon is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 – Completely out of the blue, Simon breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Camel incident from his childhood. Lindsay tries to persuade him to stay but Will sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Simon decides to leave.
28 – With only two housemates remaining, the Camel dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Lindsay from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 – Nominations are due for the final time. Will asks Lindsay to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Will nominates Lindsay to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Lindsay.
30 – When the nomination is announced, Lindsay graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Will is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Will takes his £70,000 and runs away to Tibet. Nobody, including Lindsay, ever sees him again.
Created by me at Make your own Big Brother. In case you’re wondering, yes Simon is a lazy fat bastard.
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