This takes up the next few entries. I got this here
I’ve worked in a zillion different convienence type stores and gas stations and I know what used to piss me off so this file is fairly accurate. Most of the more destructive ideas have been tried by me and friends while working the graveyard shift at the Han-Dee-Mart as it gets extremely boring there at night. Keep in mind that a conveinence store gets pretty busy sometimes and the cashier can’t watch every section of the store all at once so don’t worry about him/her seeing you do most of this stuff. Even if you’re caught, the worst that happens is you get kicked out for the day. (You can go back the next day because they’ve usually hired someone new by then.)
After moving to Albany I encountered a local bbs that actually used 7-Eleven as the theme to their bbs so I figured the sysop, Kevin Roberts, would enjoy this file for a few good laughs. Gee, was I wrong there. He banned me from his bbs (big loss there!) and a month later the Albany police calls me and says that Kevin thinks I’m threatening him by writing the file. Hello? It’s comedy, Kevin, are you that dense? Like I’m really planning to run my car into his gas pump and through the front windows. If you’d like to see the bbs advertising his employment on Queen Street, call Different World at 541-924-0313.
Included at the end is a section FOR the conveinence store employees to help them cope with working the graveyard shift at a dead-end job. See, Kevin, I’m not such a bad person, I’m trying to help you here. Sheesh!
“I have told you a million times not to make shambles of my candy isle so I have no other choice but to tell you once again not to make shambles out of my candy isle. Have a nice day.”
-The clerk said something similar to Homer Simpson
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1. If the condoms are accessable to you, use a needle and poke holes in all of them.
2. Take Ex-Lax and put it in the donuts, cookies, ice cream, coffee machine, cashier’s soda, etc.
3. Take one bite out of each of the cookies and donuts.
4. Mix all of the items in the condiments bar together to form a big, yucky salad. Be sure to spill items all over each other and on the floor.
5. Use a razor blade to make a slit in each one of the cartons of milk. This will start a very small drip-leak but when a customer picks up the milk it should spill pretty good. This makes a good mess inside AND outside of the cooler. Really a bitch to clean up.
6. Paint the front sidewalk in pychedelic colors.
7. Bring a ton of items up to the counter. After the cashier rings everything up and asks for your $34.75, tell him you changed your mind and walk out, leaving everything on the counter.
8. Most of the more popular stores have a toll-free customer hotline for customers to call in and complain or make suggestions. Find this number (usually written on the outside window) and call it once a day to complain about an employee you don’t like.
9. Put a full pot of coffee under the coffee spout. Then press the button that starts the coffee maker. This will overflow the pot and create a tremendous mess.
10.Jam the handle on the Slurpee/Slushie/Whatever machine so that the mush keeps on flowing after you leave. Watch the cashier cry when he finds it.
11.Ask for $600 in money orders and twenty lotto tickets. After the cashier prints up the money orders and lotto tickets, leave. It’s a real bitch to void out money orders and lotto.
12.Sit your fountain drink on top of a video game. There’s usually some vents on top of the game so whoops! Accidentally knock your drink over so the entire 44 ounces of Pepsi spill into these vents. This makes for some pretty neat-o smoking effects as well as sparks and fire. Make sure that it’s not a cool game that you play often because you won’t be playing it anymore.
13.Fill up a Super Tanker Gigantic drink cup with Pepsi. Take it all around the store with you spilling it’s contents all over the items on the shelves as you go along. You can imagine what it’d be like to clean this up.
14.On a really hot day, get on the roof and turn off the air conditioning. If possible, make sure that the air conditioners will never work again. Be extremely quiet when walking around up there so mister cashier doesn’t hear you.
15.Telephone the cashier and start asking him questions about robberies like: * “Do you have one of those silent alarm buttons you could press if I were to rob you?”
* “Do the police in your neighborhood respond quickly when something bad happens in your store?”
* “How many times has your store been robbed? Was the robber caught?”
* “Theoreticly speaking, if a professional robber such as myself were to come in and rob you, what are the chances of me getting caught?”
* “Do you carry a loaded gun behind the counter?”
* “How much money is in your cash drawer right now? That’s all? Uhhh, could you please not drop anymore in the safe until I get there? I, uh, need to cash a check, yeah, that’s it.”
* “Are you afraid of death?”
16.Order a telephone calling card for the store and obtain the pin number. Using the card, make tons of harrassing calls to the store until the card goes dead. When they get their bill, they realize that they’ve been paying for their own harrassment.
17.Find out the store manager’s name or the store owner’s name. From a pay phone call your friends in Austraila and third number bill it to the store, saying that you’re the manager. The cashier will accept the charges when he thinks it’s the manager.
18.Order call forwarding for the store. Ask the cashier if you can use the phone and dial 72#-911 or *72-911. When 911 answers, tell them you got the wrong number and hang up. Now go out to a pay phone and call the store and you’ll get 911. Make up some big story about how you’re getting robbed and they’ve thrown you in the cooler and taken customers hostage, etc. If 911 calls back to verify this, they’ll get their own office, 911.
19.Start picking up items around the store and dropping them in the trash can.
Will
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