When in college, I had to make a fake advertisement for a class. I had a GIF that I downloaded that I wanted to put into it, so I sat down at the only Mac that was connected to the scanner in the school’s computer lab. For some reason, it couldn’t open the file, and the program crashed repeatedly. I got a lab technician to come over, and I explained the problem. She asked what I did to it and got angry with me. So I went to the Mac next to the one I was on and opened the picture in the same program. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was responsible for ruining the computer.
Me: “I scanned these pictures in, then tried to open this GIF I downloaded.”
Her: “What? You can’t do that! That type of a file is for Windows machines only! It isn’t supported on Macs.”
Me: “No, it is a standard graphic file. It can be opened on either machine.”
Her: “No it can’t! You might have to pay to fix this.”
Me: “If it can’t open on a Mac, how did I get it to open on this Mac right here? See?”
Her: “Don’t do that! You’re gonna break that one also.”
To protect her computer from evil me, she leaned over and flipped the power switch off.
Back in the beginning af the 90s I worked as a technician in an university, and my job was to keep the PCs and Macs at the department connected to the university network. At this time, the network cabling was a coaxial cable in each floor in the building, terminated in both ends, and the computers were connected to this cable by using a T-connector directly at the main coaxial cable. This also meant that when we cut the cable to hook up a new computer, the computers at the other end lost the connection to the network.
One day, more than three quarters of the computers lost their connection, and the telephone went red from angry employees not being able to print. After a lot of work, we found the problem. One of the professors, convinced that this computer network was a threat to his health, had cut the coaxial cable and removed the part of it that was running through his office. We were not able to convince him that there was no harm in having the cable there, so altered the cabling so it wouldn’t run through his office. Afterward, the professor was angry that he was not able to use the big laserjet printers that everybody else used.
Tech Support: “Yes, ma’am, we require a credit card or checking account in order to sign up on our service.”
Customer: “Well, I saw on the news that I should never give out my credit card information!”
Tech Support: “Well, ma’am, we have to have a way to bill you.”
Customer: “No other service does this!”
Tech Support: “No, ma’am, the others don’t allow you to use a checking account.”
Customer: “No honest company would ask me for my credit card information!”
Tech Support: “May I have your phone number, sir?”
Customer: “I don’t give out my phone number!”
Tech Support: “All right. How may I help you, sir?”
Customer: “How much for your Internet service?”
I gave him the prices.
Customer: “If I own the software why do you keep charging for it?”
Tech Support: “Well, sir, the software is free, but you are charged for being online.”
Customer: “YOU CONNECT YOUR COMPUTER TO THE PHONE LINE?!?”
Tech Support: “Well, sir, you do use a modem to dial online.”
Customer: “I WILL NEVER HOOK MY COMPUTER TO MY PHONE!!!!” (click)
The second day I worked doing phone tech support, I was called by an elderly woman who was sobbing and panicked. After spending twenty minutes getting her calmed down, I finally found out what her problem was. She had been on the Internet and recieved the ever-popular message “This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.” Immediately afterward, she had heard police sirens down the road and thought, “They’re coming to lock me up!”
TBC
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