By The Arrogant Worms
Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
Another trip around the sun
And the whole clan gathers round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song
Happy birthday!
Now you’re one year older!
Happy birthday!
Your life still isn’t over!
Happy birthday!
You did not accomplish much
But you didn’t die this year
I guess that’s good enough
So let’s drink to your fading health
And hope you don’t remind yourself
The chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you’re doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer
Happy birthday!
What have you done that matters?
Happy birthday!
You’re starting to get fatter
Happy birthday!
It’s downhill from now on
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone
If cryogenics were all free
Then you could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
And though it hasn’t ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might
Happy birthday!
You wish you had more money
Happy birthday!
Your life’s so sad it’s funny
Happy birthday!
How much more can you take?
But your friends are hungry
So just cut the stupid cake
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday, dear…
(random calling out of names, including “Skippy, the bush kangaroo”)
Events which happened on this day in history include:
1348 Edward III established the Order of the Garter.
1793 French King Louis XVI went on trial and was sentenced to the guillotine.
1840 American Charles Wilkes discovered the coast of Antarctica.
1915 The first casualties were sustained in air raid over Britain, when a German Zeppelin bombed Great Yarmouth in Norfolk.
1937 The 18-year-old Margot Fonteyn made her debut in Giselle at Sadler’s Wells.
1942 The Japanese invaded Burma.
1943 Singer Janis Joplin was born in Texas. Her typical drink-and-drugs rock lifestyle ended in early death in 1970.
1963 Snow and ice meant that only nine out of 63 League football fixtures could be played, and two of those were abandoned.
1966 Indira Gandhi became Prime Minister of India, following in the footsteps of her father Jawaharlal Nehru.
Story filed: 07:18 Monday 19th January 2004
Today’s celebrity birthdays include:
Mike Reid, actor/comedian, 64;
Michael Crawford, actor, 62;
Julian Barnes, author, 58;
Dolly Parton, country singer, 58;
Dennis Taylor, snooker commentator, 55;
Stefan Edberg, tennis player, 38;
Christine Tucci, actress, 37;
Shawn Wayans, actor, 33;
Jensen Button, racing driver, 24.
Story filed: 07:19 Monday 19th January 2004
Todays non-celebrity birthdays include:
Will Forbes, student/dole scum, 26
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