We, the callers, aim to:
1. Ask the most ridiculous questions we can think of, not ask for the information we actually want but drop hints in the manner of a politician avoiding a sex scandal.
2. Give only part of the information the advisor needs to resolve our query. We know advisors just love using those finely honed questioning skills.
3. We will omit post-codes, dates and specifics wherever possible.
4. Complain that it has taken five minutes to get through, then proceed to talk about the weather, the Mars landing or the colour of our grandchilds poo.
5. Deliberately misunderstand the first three explanations you give us for even the simplest query; we know advisors like a challenge.
6. Call on behalf of our mother / niece / aunt / mother is laws dog etc and become annoyed when the advisor will not give us any information due to that useless bit of legislation the Data Protection Act.
7. Treat the advisor like an imbecile, we after all are superior because we can handle difficult equations like two plus two.
8. Interrupt the advisor in the middle of their explanations and tell them what the girl at the bank told us, even though its blatantly incorrect.
9. Make the advisor guess what we want; we know theyre all telepathic really.
10. End the call by going through absolutely everything again just to make sure that the advisor wasnt lying the first time around.
I have discovered that this is very, very true.
Will
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