Well, that was a colossal waste of fucking time in OD

I should be writing this entry from Aberdeen. As I mentioned in my last entry, today is my grans 90th birthday and there’s a party for her on Saturday. The plan was this:

Sign on on Monday
Get train home on Tuesday
Into town on Thursday when paid
Through to the Broch on Saturday
Back to Aberdeen Sunday.
Back to Boro Monday, go to creative writing
Profit(?)

But, sadly, it didn’t quite work like that.

Y’see, A4e (the place that the job centre has sent me to which is supposed to help me look for work and has lined up precisely 1 thing for me (call centre, cold calling at which I have precisely 0 experience) since I was sent there in January) decided that yesterday and today I had to attend a course about how to look presentable for interviews. So at 2pm yesterday I made my way to the place and signed in. Soon we were called through to the room that was being used.

Where the person running the sessions seemed to alternate between asking us obvious questions, completely ignoring our points of view, insulting us (and getting other members of staff to do the same) and stating the bloody obvious. [sarcasm]I mean, I really had absolutely no idea that it was a bad idea to rock up to a job interview stinking of BO and dressed in my usual manner.[/sarcasm]

Oh, and she was so obsessed with the fact that we simply had to be depressed about not having a job (because she got quite depressed when she was unemployed) that I was starting to get depressed about the fact that I wasn’t depressed.

So, after being insulted and patronised, we were given goodie bags, had our pictures taken (yay! *raises hand half heartedly), at which point I was told I look like a Shakespearian actor (double yay!) and told to wear our interview clothes today. I checked the bag and it contained:
Shower gel,
Soap,
Shampoo,
Face cloth,
Sponge,
Shaving cream,
Razors,
Comb,
Nail brush,
Toothbrush,
Toothpaste,
Socks.

So I kept what I actually needed and dumped the rest.

This morning, bright and early, I went back dressed in dress trousers and shirt (didn’t bother with the tie, I hate wearing a fucking tie). When we finally started, we were asked if we felt better and more confident about the way we were dressed. I simply told the truth, that I was uncomfortable. Then we had to say two good things and two bad things (if there were any bad things to mention) about someone else in the room. Someone did comment about me (mostly that my hair could have been a bit more under control) I was asked to do it. I refused because I don’t judge people based purely on how they look. I learned a long time ago that to do so is stupid as it could lead you to miss out on a great friendship or befriending someone who is a complete cunt.

I then pointed out that I generally don’t do compliments*, either giving or receiving (the later is because I dress for my own comfort and not to impress (interviews and other such situations excluded) and really don’t give a shit if anyone else likes what I’m wearing. I’m not wearing it for your sake) and reiterated my point about not judging people based on looks.

This is the moment in which she decided to point out something to me. Apparently, she wasn’t asking me to judge people based purely on their looks.

I’ll restate that for you.

Apparently, ASKING ME TO SAY TWO GOOD THINGS AND TWO BAD THINGS ABOUT A PERSON BASED SOLELY ON HOW THEY LOOK ISN’T THE SAME AS ASKING ME TO JUDGE SAID PERSON BASED ON THEIR LOOKS!

I did want desperately to turn round and ask if she was fucking insane, but that would probably get me kicked out and I’d lose my benefits. Instead, I calmly made my point in a way even she would understand. That was when she decided to point out to me that although I may not judge based on appearance, other people, including potential employers do.

Thanks for that. I needed to have the fact that not everyone acts the same way I do having arrived in Middlesbrough having been born yesterday on a fish trawler from Fittie.

Then we got our pictures taken (supposedly so we can be shown later the difference between the two days and make us feel better about the ‘new’ us), filled out evaluation forms for the course (I bit my tongue, mostly cos if they keep that particular course going with her in charge she’s going to piss off the wrong person) and then were sent out the room for one on one interviews. In which she talked mostly about my lack of confidence and the reasons for that. So, in two days she insulted me, patronised me tried to claim that an exercise we were supposed to do wasn’t something that I am fundamentally opposed to when it was in fact the very fucking definition of that act and now she’s making me dredge up painful memories from the past.

I felt like asking her if she also wanted to cut the tattoos off my arms
and pour salt water on the wounds just to cap things off.

Crazily enough, she asked me to speak to my coach about getting one on one counselling sessions with her for my confidence issues. I think I’ll not bother as I’m certainly not talking about stuff like that to someone who A) is convinced that the way she experienced things is the same for everybody else, B) likely has absolutely no formal training or experience in any kind of therapy and C) isn’t clearly completely batshit insane.

I have a feeling that she might just ask my coach* to go ahead and book them anyway. I’ll refuse to go. And if they do stop my benefits for it, it’d make a cracking story for the local papers, won’t it?

Thank fuck I’m out of here tomorrow. Even if it is at 5:45am.

Will

* After I said this, when waiting for the one to ones, the guy who commented on me actually apologised for what he said. Which me look like a complete twat.
** Whoever the hell he is.