Do not go anywhere near Talk Mobile in OD

This may explain why not:

Dear Sir/Madam,

So, here we are. Back to me arguing with Talk Mobile customer service. Sorry, “customer service” as what I’ve received can barely qualify for that description.

Here’s the story: on Friday 6th May, I received an email from a friend. Said friend had been trying to phone ma and wondered what was wrong with my phone. Did I have it switched off? As I only ever switch my phone off in a cinema, the answer to that was a resounding no. I checked my phone and saw it had limited service, in an area where I usually got a strong signal.

I checked my account online and discovered that it had been closed. Which came as a bit of a shock to me, as I had no warning about this. I tried emailing and left it the four working days recommended for a response. Nothing. So I phoned up and was told a quite unbelievable story.

Seems that you did try to phone me and left a voicemail message. Now, I’m not entirely sure how I missed that one. You see, when there is a voicemail message left for me, there’s a huge icon that appears on my phone telling me this and giving me the potion to call voicemail and retrieve the message. Another part of this also tells me I have a missed call and gives me the option of phoning back. Seriously, it’s massive. Takes up most of the screen, it’s just about impossible to do anything else while it’s there. So, where did this mysterious voicemail message go to, exactly?

I do know where the email you sent me went to. Apparently, it would not have been sent to the email address you have for me, the one that I’m using here, but to a different email account that Talk Mobile had set up for me when I became a customer. Now, we’ll put aside the fact that that had not been my experience to date. I’m just wondering, how exactly do I log into this email account you were kind enough to provide for me yet did not tell me about?

I know that you can send emails to my normal account because the following day I got an email from Talk Mobile informing me that my account was in danger of being cancelled. Oops. You think that may have been sent just a tad too late?

I know you have my postal address as well, because just today I got a letter from Talk Mobile. It was concerning you closing my account. Sorry. My bad. It started with Talk Mobile regretting to see from their records that I had closed the account. Which, of course, I didn’t. Though, at the moment, I deeply regret ever opening an account with Talk Mobile and will be recommending to all and sundry that they don’t even bother.

Onto what I want. I don’t want to hear exactly why my account was closed, I’ve already been told that (though, going on what I’ve written about above, I’m not entirely sure I can believe it). All I want to know is why I wasn’t warned that my account was in danger of being closed before it happened. I don’t want to hear about disappearing voicemail messages or unexplained email accounts that may or may not exist. All I want is the truth. Hopefully you will actually be able to provide that this time.

I’ll be kind. Seeing as my last email to Talk Mobile concerning this went completely and utterly unanswered, I’ll give you one week. Till the 25th. If I don’t have a satisfactory response by that time, I will take this up with your CEO. Check your records. You will discover that I have absolutely no conscience or shame when it comes to doing something like that.

Oh, and I would also like my PAC code. I took that number to Talk Mobile and now I’d like to take it with me. It’s been my number for years and I have no patience with learning a new one. It’s the number on my CV, that I’ve put on job applications and on stories I have submitted for publication so it’s kind of important I keep it. It’s the number the job centre has for me. If I miss a call from them, especially if it concerns an appointment, I could lose my benefits. If I lose the appeal in that case, you’d better believe that I’ll be coming after you. Not for answers, but for money.

Yours faithfully,

William Forbes