My Tattoo Addiction rant in OD

Now, as regular readers will be aware, I love me some tattoos. I have me some tattoos. In fact, I got three more this month:

So, when I found out that Channel 4 were broadcasting a series called My Tattoo Addiction, I was intrigued. My problem with these types of shows is that they generally are ‘let’s all laugh at the tattooed freaks’. And to be fair, there was one guy like that. He had a full face tattoo (they showed him getting the last bit)and wondered why people wouldn’t give him a job.

Then there was the guy who fancied himself as the UK version of Eminem. They did show him doing Ass Like That on karaoke and he wasn’t actually that bad. Then they showed him getting ‘Slim’ on one forearm and ‘Shady’ on the other, so that when he crossed his arms it would read Slim Shady. Kinda like Phil Tayor has with his nickname The Power. Then he revealed that the way he crosses his arms it reads Shady Slim… Oh, he’s obsessed with Batman and had a Batman tattoo of variable quality.

But then there was some really nice, heartwarming stuff. There was a guy who got a tattoo in honour of his dog, which had died and which he loved. He got the tattoo artist to mix in some of the dogs ashes to the ink. A bit strange, but in a sweet way.

Then there was a woman who had a double mastectomy. She was offered new nipples as an operation and a tattoo but, somewhat understandably, didn’t want to go through more surgery. So she just got them tattooed on. The results looked really good and just the fact they made her feel better about herself was amazing.

There was also a woman who has a genetic condition which makes her look about 9. She likes getting tattoos as when she gets them she’s not judged by how young she looks. And her ink is good.

Then we get to the bit which really, really pissed me off.

They talked about people who get tattoos when they are on holiday. They get the names of people they went with, they get tattoos of the names of people they meet there, they tend to get tattoos on their arse (including one genius who got a swastika there).

These people all have one thing in common. They are very drunk at the time they get them.

Which is the bit that really, really pisses me off. The programme said there were a lot of artists in these places and I know why they are there. Cos they are willing to tattoo drunk people.

The place where I got most of mine done advise you not to drink for 24 hours before getting a tattoo. If someone turns up drunk, no tattoo for them. It’s that simple.

It pisses me off when tattoo artists do shit like this. There was a thing in the local paper a couple of years back about a girl who got temporary tattoos at 15 (which, admittedly, is legal). She also had a permanent tattoo but wouldn’t say where she got it. As that person would rightly be prosecuted.

Here’s my thing: if someone is willing to tattoo someone underage without asking for ID, or when they are drunk, what other short cuts are they making?

I had a hard enough time convincing the artist that did my Amy tattoo that, no, Any was not my girlfriend and I wouldn’t regret getting it when we split up. Most of these artists must know that these people most likely didn’t travel on holiday together, nor did they know each other to long, so why do that? At what point do they not say that getting a swastika or the word ginge tattooed on your arse while drunk isn’t the best idea in the world?

And then, right at the end of the episode, came the icing on the cake. There was an Irish lass, almost falling down drunk, who wanted Wally/Waldo behind her ear cos it would be funny if anyone asked where Wally was she could just point to him. She should have been sent back to her hotel to sober up.

(Incidentally, one of her friends pointed out that she would end up regretting it. Why let her get it then?)

Sure enough, she did regret it when she sobered up, not least because her work has a thing about visible tattoos. (As does mine, nominally. Most managers don’t give a shit though.)

There are many, many respectable tattoo artists out there. There are probably some in these places. Shit like this just fucks me off.

If anyone is thinking about getting a tattoo, I’m happy to give advice. The main one being, remember, it’s permanent. Don’t get something you may later regret.

And, for the love of FSM, don’t get one when you are pissed and don’t go to an artist who would give you a tattoo when you are pissed. Anyone who would do that just can’t really be trusted.

Will