I woke up irritated this morning.
Actually, let me clarify that. I woke up this morning just fine and still early as I do. I did what I needed to do to get ready for the work day ahead and soon left the house just after 4:30am. It was only after I left the house and entered the world that my irritation gradually set in.
My commute to the office is about six miles, which with the way that I drive it, usually takes me anywhere from 12 to 15 minutes to go from home to office. Sometimes I'll stay on the streets. On other occasions, I'll hop on the freeway. It never fails that even at 4:30am, the streets still manage to be treacherous. In a matter of about two miles, I am nearly struck by another motorist twice, once by a large truck hauling who knows what, because he was at a red light with me, but seemed to be confused as to where he was going because his truck happened to be in between the left turn lane and the lane immediately to the right of it, where I happened to be. I had to veer slight right so that I could be in the lane that I was in, but yet keep my distance from the moron in that truck, in thinking that there was a chance that he might not even turn and continue straight. Yes, he indeed was going to straight, but apparently he wasn't bright enough to avoid the left land entirely. I was behind another car and there was a car behind me, there was a string of three cars total and all of us were going straight once the light went green. The guy in the truck, in all of his infinite wisdom and with all etiquette, proceeded to honk at the car behind me. No one was behind that car behind me. All the dumbass in the truck had to do was wait for the car behind me to move forward and he could have followed the rest of us. Why honk when it's not necessary? Truck drivers are fucking dumb, even at 4:36am.
Not even a quarter mile down the road near the freeway off ramp, I continue rolling through a green light. Another retard, this one in a small white SUV this time, decides that waiting at his red light was asking way the hell too much and he just goes. As he turns right from the off ramp, he nearly hits me. to where I have to take evasive action to avoid this collision. My car's headlights were on and I thought that I was visible enough to be seen, but apparently, either I was mostly invisible or the other driver was another dumbass early-morning motorist who didn't give a rat's ass about his red light and/or my green light.
So, yes, just the act of even getting to work was initially, a damn headache. I had always been of the mindset that at the hour of the morning that I'm on the road, I shouldn't have to endure this kind of stupidity due to the sheer lack of other vehicles on the road with me. The problem is that even though there might be fewer drivers on the road, those drivers are dumb as shit.
Yesterday, Jessica had asked me to send her a selfie of me wearing my casual work outfit, which yesterday consisted of my wearing boots, along with light blue jeans, and a dark blue hoodie. I don't wear boots all that often, which is why she wanted to see how those looked on me. I sent her this selfie this morning, even though I had taken the picture early last night. She didn't critique the way that I looked, though if there was anything she honed in on, it was the fact that I didn't smile in my picture. I told her that I had unknowing foregone the smile, being that I was tired and probably irritated at the end of my work day. I had absolutely nothing to smile about and I guess it showed. I told her that I would take another selfie today, this time with a bit more emotion that the previous one. Maybe I give her a smirk this time? No boots today though. It was much too warm today for boots, so I just went with the black Adidas that I tend to wear during the week, along with black jeans and a black USC hoodie. The USC hoodie I wear is thinner than the dark blue one, and while I was slightly colder today, I looked slimmer than usual, so I figure there was some measure of balance there.
I managed to work from home much of the day. This is probably the best thing for me, given that I can't stand many of my co-workers and I'd prefer not to be in close proximity to any of them. Sometimes I have days where my tolerance for my coworkers runs extremely low, where just hearing their voices makes me want to puke. Of late, a lot of them have been whinier than usual, though they always seem to mask their discontent with what I consider to be phony laughter. It's that damn, incessant laughter that just bothers the hell out of me. As far as today goes, I want to say that I was mostly productive. Even if I wasn't as productive as I could have been, I was definitely much more at ease being at home by myself, where I was seemingly able to work in peace and quiet.
I've been so fatigued lately when I come home from work that I haven't been playing Battlefield 6 or much of anything for that matter. Even today, while I didn't stay in the office for a good chunk of the day and maybe I might have had the energy to play, I just didn't feel like it. Maybe the stress of work is finally getting to me? I don't know if that's it, but the way I see it and as it pertains to my gaming habits, if my heart isn't it, I'm not going to bother. Actually, now that I think of it, that's kind of my mentality when it comes to nearly everything in my life. If I don't feel like it, it's not going to happen. Then again, if it is happening, it won't be good or of any decent quality.
A good friend recently asked me to clarify what kind of introvert I happen to be. This may have stemmed from my having told her that I don't read as much as perhaps other introverts tend to do. That much is true, by the way. I am not a reader. I don't read novels typically. I don't read poetry of anything along those lines either. If I ever do happen to find myself actually reading a novel, I tend to read just two authors, because I like their respective writing styles. I will admit that if anything, I like words though and in particular, I like saying things in a multitude of ways and not the way that most people do. I don't feel like going to any specific examples of this in this entry, but I do like to use a variety of words and say things differently than most people. I hate being like everyone else, because everyone else tends to be bland in the way that they speak. Because of my desire to not be like everyone else, I speak differently than most and I actually do speak the way that I write and vice versa. Funny enough, even that little nugget of information about me intrigued her.
Anyway, I told her that I am a gamer, which I was doing well before gaming had an online component to it. I enjoyed then, and continue to enjoy today, games that are one player and are adventure-oriented. I don't rely exclusively or even heavily on online gaming to keep me entertained. I'll play an action/adventure game all my myself any day. I don't need to play games with other people online in order to enjoy gaming.
I enjoy writing. Again, this is an activity that does not require another person for me to enjoy. Yes, I like being myself and entertaining myself. Take that how you will. But in general, I will always enjoy my solitude and will never ever look towards anyone else to entertain me. Sadly, I can't be that complete introvert though, mostly because of my work obligations, so because I've had to learn how to become what I like to refer to as a fake extrovert, I can talk to people and make it look effortless, like it is truly is something I enjoy. I can put on that kind of show if need be, but in the end, I do not like talking to people and will look to avoid it whenever I can. But because I am essentially being paid to be talkative, outgoing, and look like an extrovert, I will put on that show so long as a paycheck comes with it and I am compensated for my efforts. I don't know if I answered the question, but that's what I came up with.
I guess I'm no longer irritated, at least, nothing like I was when I left the house this morning. A few hours have passed since that time and I've regained most of my sanity. I remain hopeful that my day will start off just a little better tomorrow and that I won't be involved in any near traffic collisions on my way to the office. Of course, even if I make it to the office tomorrow without incident or challenge, that doesn't mean that other stupid stuff won't happen tomorrow, stuff that will likely return me right back to the state of irritation, much like what I had to endure this morning.
I'm trying to stay optimistic. It's pretty much all I can do.
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